Air Force's Contingency Plan To Deal w/ Godzilla Threat

May 14, 2014

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In 'why aren't you taking this seriously' news, members of the US Air Force recently announced a contingency plan to deal with a monster threat like Godzilla. God willing, this is where all my 2012 - 2013 tax dollars went.

During an interview with the Smithsonian's Air and Space magazine, members of the United States Air Force confirmed that there is a contingency plan for taking out Godzilla -- if the fire-breathing sea creature ever does attack.


Master Sgt. Jason Edwards of Kadena Air Base said the Air Force would deploy "4,000 Segways and slingshots" and would need help from certain people.

"Well I could go with Chuck Norris, but that would be the obvious one," Edwards said. "As I understand it, the Power Rangers are probably a good choice in this type of scenario...Bruce Lee, The Incredible Hulk - the CGI one, not the Lou Ferrigno one - and George W. Bush."

There are more than 50 F-15 fighter jets available at Kadena, so those planes would likely be utilized as well.

I take it back, I hope zero of my tax dollar went towards that plan. That is a f***ing terrible plan. It's really comforting to know when the monsters do rise (and they will) the Air Force is going to be sitting around with its thumb up its ass trying to get the Power Rangers on the phone. 'Hello, Zordon? This is General Woopsiedaisy. Tell Kimberly I think pink really suits her. Oh, and there was something else -- what was it?' Man, I hope the Marines are taking this a lot more seriously.

Thanks to tony pepperoni, who would just overfeed Godzilla with himself until it exploded. Then we would all collect the falling meat in our hats and have a BBQ.

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