Zombie Apocalypse Here We Come!: French Lab Loses 2,000 Vials Of Deadly Virus

April 15, 2014


Nope, this one's just a urine sample.

A laboratory in France has admitted to losing more than 2,000 vials containing parts of the deadly Sars coronavirus. The scientists say not to worry though, because the vials only contained PARTS of the virus, not the whole thing. Or at least that's what they're using as a coverup. Anybody else feel kinda sick all of a sudden?

A routine inventory check at Paris' Pasteur Institute revealed that 2,349 tubes containing fragments of the virus responsible for the deaths of 774 people in 2002 were missing, the centre named after French chemist Louis Pasteur said.

The institute was quick to reassure the public and said that the contents of the missing vials had no infectious potential. They contained only part of the virus and had no ability to spread.

"Independent experts referred by health authorities have qualified such potential as 'non-existing' according to the available evidence and literature on the survival of the Sars virus," the institute said.

I'm pretty sure this is how Resident Evil started. "No, it's not at all actually." YOU SHUT UP. Oh shit, that reminds me: what's your home address -- I wanted to send you something. "What?" Just a little something? "Is it a vial of something?" Maybe.

Thanks to Thaylor H, who is 99% confident this was an act of terrorism and the zombie apocalypse is only days away.

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