No Vroom Vroom?: DARPA Commissions Stealth Dirt Bikes

April 17, 2014


The US government's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has commissioned two companies to build a hybrid, all-terrain stealth dirt bike with an engine that makes little to no noise. I must have one. The bears will never hear me coming.

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has issued a grant to integrate a multiple fuel, hybrid-electric power plant into a dirt bike built by BRD Motorcycles. The hybrid electric engine will be built by Logos Technologies.

"Quieted, all-wheel-drive capability at extended range in a lightweight, rugged, single-track vehicle could support the successful operations of U.S. expeditionary and special forces in extreme terrain conditions and contested environments," said Wade Pulliam, manager of advanced concepts at Logos Technologies. "With a growing need to operate small units far from logistical support, the military may increasingly rely on adaptable, efficient technologies like this hybrid-electric motorcycle."

Why does the US government REALLY need stealth dirt bikes? I'll tell you why -- to spy on me and the rest of my wizard friends when we're out LARPing in the woods on weekends. They want to learn the secrets of our magic. *GW casts force-field of the forest* Haha -- nice try, government! *casts cloak of invisibility, poops in leaf pile*

Thanks to Greg L, who is hard at work developing a stealth 4-wheeler with a machine gun turret to take his paintball game to a whole new level.

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