No Vroom Vroom?: DARPA Commissions Stealth Dirt Bikes

April 17, 2014


The US government's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has commissioned two companies to build a hybrid, all-terrain stealth dirt bike with an engine that makes little to no noise. I must have one. The bears will never hear me coming.

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has issued a grant to integrate a multiple fuel, hybrid-electric power plant into a dirt bike built by BRD Motorcycles. The hybrid electric engine will be built by Logos Technologies.

"Quieted, all-wheel-drive capability at extended range in a lightweight, rugged, single-track vehicle could support the successful operations of U.S. expeditionary and special forces in extreme terrain conditions and contested environments," said Wade Pulliam, manager of advanced concepts at Logos Technologies. "With a growing need to operate small units far from logistical support, the military may increasingly rely on adaptable, efficient technologies like this hybrid-electric motorcycle."

Why does the US government REALLY need stealth dirt bikes? I'll tell you why -- to spy on me and the rest of my wizard friends when we're out LARPing in the woods on weekends. They want to learn the secrets of our magic. *GW casts force-field of the forest* Haha -- nice try, government! *casts cloak of invisibility, poops in leaf pile*

Thanks to Greg L, who is hard at work developing a stealth 4-wheeler with a machine gun turret to take his paintball game to a whole new level.

  • anything

    All wheel drive dirt bike huh? market harder bro

  • So weak! Everyone knows the point of military development is to wait until the private sector perfects something and then just throw a gun turret and armor on it. AMIRITE?

    Oh shit... AND SPIKES!

  • WhiteEagle2

    Just get one of those folding solar cell phone chargers. Give it a good two weeks to charge off that and it will be ready to keep on going.

  • Andrew Newton

    I wonder if DARPA will also commission outlets to be put in the deserts of the middle east.

  • Guest

    didnt work for "smart" cars in the middle west...

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