Back To Life: Ruskies Claim They Have Enough Woolly Mammoth DNA To Begin Cloning

April 3, 2014


Thanks to the well preserved specimen found last summer, Russian scientists now claim they have enough viable woolly mammoth DNA to clone one of the beasts. Obviously, I will be the first person to ride it. And probably the last. Watch us jump this volcano!

"The data we are about to receive will give us a high chance to clone the mammoth," Radik Khayrullin, of the Russian Association of Medical Anthropologists, told the Siberian Times.

Researchers at Russia's North-Eastern Federal University discovered the remains-- mammoth hair, soft tissues and bone marrow -- in the northeastern province of Yakutia.

During the autopsy, they were surprised to find an incredibly well preserved corpse -- better, in fact, than "a body of a human buried for six months," another scientist told the Times.

Wow, a corpse better preserved than the "body of a human buried for six months". That really evokes some sweet mental imagery, doesn't it? And right before lunch! Lucky us. You know, it's a shame nobody really cares about cloning woolly mammoths. It's true -- what's the first thing you think when somebody mentions cloning woolly mammoths? "But what about dinosaurs?" Exactly.

Thanks to Mon (the day?!), who agrees we should all clone ourselves so we can go to work and make money but stay home and play video games at the same time. I'M IN.

  • Samus Marie

    Jurassic Park... did NO ONE else watch this growing up? we already know what happens when you clone dinosaurs... Thank You Michael Crichton.

  • Also, why would we even attempt this? Polar ice caps are melting, polar bears are going extinct and shit... and we want to make an animal that couldn't even make it BEFORE humans fucked everything up? How about we start with like... a dodo bird or something?

  • Closet Nerd

    A poll in 2011 shows 32% of Russians believe the Sun revolves around the Earth

  • IngusMW

    This would only be news if Ruskies claim they have enough DNA to clone Lenin... failing that, Stalin is acceptable too.

  • Step 1: Crimea
    Step 2: Woolly Mammoths
    Step 3: ???
    Step 4: PROFIT!

  • That is... they will be able to clone a mammoth... once they have returned Crimea to its rightful place with the motherland.

  • You think you'll have the first ride, GW? I know a dude named vladimir that's already topless and thinks otherwise.

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    I bet that's the only reason the scientists got funding!

  • Closet Nerd

    Russia also claimed they would be ready for the 2014 Winter Olympics....

  • Rick Thomas

    i lol'd

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