Astronomer Claims We'll Find Alien Life By Year 2,100

April 1, 2014


And it will probably not look like that.

A senior astronomer at the SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) Institute insists humanity will discover alien life within the century. Of course, Bigfoot hunters always claim they're only a day from discovering that giant furry f***er, and I still don't have a sasquatch skin rug by the fireplace. Unfortunately, the circumstances in which we'll likely find alien life are probably not as exciting as you're imagining in your head. Just read the second quoted paragraph if you really hate reading so much. I even bolded it for you so you know which one it is. It's the second one, in bold. "The first one?" Listen -- I've been feeling punchy all day.

"We are going to find life in space in this century." Those are the words of Senior Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence Institute (SETI) Astronomer Seth Shostak, speaking at last week's European Commission Innovation Convention. Like many others in the scientific community, for Dr. Shostak the question is not if we will discover alien life, but when.

The search, says Dr. Shostak, is drawing to a close, and it will end in one of three ways. First, we could find life nearby, on Mars or Europa, existing as microbes or other tiny microscopic structures. Second, we could find gasses in the atmospheres of far-off worlds that are produced by life's processes, like photosynthesis. Lastly, we could pick up the signals of alien life through stations like SETI itself.

I mean, microbes in our own solar system and signs of life in other planets' atmospheres is exciting and all, but what we really need are some REAL ASS ALIENS. You know, with the googly eyes and warp drive technology. And I want them to come to earth. And I want them to visit for a week then NUKE THE EVERLIVING SHIT OUT OF US, THE END.

Thanks to Carmen, who wants to be the first one to make alien contact. But not actual physical contact, there's no telling what space diseases those things might be carrying.

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