Uh-Oh: 30,000-Year Old Virus Resurrected In Siberia

March 7, 2014


Seen here looking like something I'd bet you I'll eat off the floor for $1, Pithovirus, a 30,000 year old virus recently dug up from permafrost in Siberia, plots world domination. The virus, which is harmless to humans but deadly to amoebas, is also the largest virus ever found, measuring 1.5 micrometers in length and 0.5 micrometers in diameter. For reference, my penis is a million times that, or one meter -- wide.

While this ancient virus is harmless to people, the scientists behind the discovery warn that the discovery suggests that the thawing of permafrost in polar regions, as a result of either climate change or mining, could bring threats to human health.

"This is an indication that viruses pathogenic for human or animals might also be preserved in old permafrost layers, including some that have caused planet-wide epidemics in the past," said Jean-Michel Claverie, one of the study's co-authors.

Aw man, that would just be humanity's luck. We spend all this time preparing for the zombie and robot apocalypses, then get wipes out by a resurrected virus. Unless -- UNLESS -- that virus CAUSES the zombie apocalypse, in which case bring it, because I'm prepared. I've even been training my body to digest spoiled meat without getting diarrhea. Oh lordy! *brutally shits pants* Well Rome wasn't built in a day.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he develops viruses.

  • fdafda

    damn science, first smallpox now this? and I know you've been messing around with grinding up teeth from the black death massgraves. quit messing with everything and think first. for a bunch of smartypants you sure are fuckin stupid. you just know this'll end in zombies.

  • "Brutally shits pants" is my new favorite saying.

  • Torse

    inb4 green flu/T virus/government dicking around virus

  • Amanda M. Wilson

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    ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛⪕ ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛� ◛◛◛ ◛◛◛For reference, my penis is a million times that, or one meter -- wide.

  • Swan

    Couldn't this essentially kill off Naegleria fowleri then? I'd be happy if no brain eating amoebas were around.

  • Or make it 100x stronger, impervious to everything, and super self replicating, causing the end of days. I say we roll the dice tho!

  • Swan

    Well, I would definitely test in a controlled environment and probably with other amoebas first, but yeah it is possible.

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