Pfft, Jesus Did It Instantly: Countertop 'Miracle Machine' Turns Water Into Wine In 3 Days

March 7, 2014

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This is the $500 Miracle Machine, a countertop winemaker that produces wine from water, grape concentrate and yeast in about three days. You just pick the style of wine you want to make, add the appropriate grape concentrates and yeast (available from the Miracle Machine online store), then check your wine's progress on your smartphone until three days later when you add the finishing packet to give it a barrel-aged flavor and you get crunk on that shit! When reached for comment, one religious fanatic believed the product should be banned because Jesus is the only one who should be able to turn water into wine. Fine, I made that up, but if you think somebody isn't going to say it, obviously you don't know religious fanatics. I do. My uncle was a West Virginia snake handler. Now? Now he just sits on the fireplace mantle all day.

Keep going for an informative video.

Thanks to Carla, who agrees the best wine is produced in boxes.

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