No It's Not: The Monocle Is Allegedly Fashionable Again

March 12, 2014


According to a recent post in The New York Times, monocles are coming back in fashion thanks to hipsters who want to differentiate themselves from the far-too-mainstream-glasses-wearing-hipsters. When reached for comment, Mr. Peanut had this to say, "I'm a f***ing peanut and I still look better than all you jokers."

From the trendy enclaves of Berlin cafes and Manhattan restaurants to gin ads and fashion magazines, the monocle is taking its turn alongside key 21st-century accouterments like sharply tucked plaid shirts and certificates in swine butchering.

"I got it just to have my own style, bring something new to the table," said Jose Vega, 23, an aspiring Miami rap musician who can be seen sporting a monocle on his SoundCloud page.

Martin Raymond, a British trend forecaster, credits the rise to what he calls "the new gents," a hipster subspecies who have been adding monocles to their bespoke tweed and distressed-boot outfits. On a recent trip to Cape Town, Mr. Raymond said, he saw such a group carrying monocles along with tiny brass telescopes kept in satchels.

Listen, I try not to rag on anybody's style (that is a 100% lie), but monocles? I'm going to have a hard time not saying something the first time I see some dude wearing a monocle at the bar. Something like Good lookin', Colonel Mustard -- I know you did that shit in the library with the candlestick! Those skinny jeans are terrible for your nuts, by the way. Balls were meant to HANG. You see this? "Your penis?" Yeah. "What about it?" Nothing, I just wanted you to see what a real one looks like.

Thanks to uglybuckling, who will make an allowance for those involved in steampunk.

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