LEGO Announces Massive Star Wars Jawa Sandcrawler Set

March 11, 2014

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Note: The cause of the malware warning has been identified and we're in the process of having Google remove the warning. Thank you for your patience and enjoy the show. But please, no masturbating till intermission.

This is the 3,296-piece Star Wars Sandcrawler playset that LEGO just announced. It will be available starting in May for around $300. You are going to buy one, then let me come over and build it. I, in return, will act as your life coach. No no no, that girl is waaaaaay out of your league. You know what you need? A girl with fewer teeth.

Recreate unforgettable scenes from Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope with this amazing LEGO® incarnation of the Jawas' desert-going vehicle, the Sandcrawler. Turn the knob at the rear and steer the Sandcrawler into position, lower the front ramp and offload the droids using the 2 working cranes. Luke Skywalker and his Uncle, Owen Lars, are sure to be impressed with the selection on offer: there's R2-D2, an R1-series Droid, an R2 unit, R5-D4, a Treadwell Droid, Gonk Droid and even C-3PO. When the sale is complete, lift the side panels and top to reveal more great features inside, like the engine, storage bay, cockpit and more. There's even a speeder bike for when the Jawas need to venture outside. Includes 7 minifigures: Luke Skywalker™, Uncle Owen, C-3PO™ and 4 Jawas, plus R2-D2, R2 unit, an R1-series Droid, Gonk Droid, R5-D4 and a Treadwell Droid.

You ever wonder what Jawas look like under their robes? I always imagined them as like, pee-colored smurfs but with those creepy glowing eyes. You know what species has glowing eyes that isn't freaky? None of them, that was a trick question. You know how Tatooine has two suns? Well FUN FACT: it would take seven suns to cook my penis and even after they all burnt out it would still only be medium-rare.

Keep going for the designer video.

Thanks to Allen T, who is going to build two of these things and have them go to battle with the Tusken Raiders. Who will win? SPOILER: The Death Star.

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