Doctors Conducting Human Trials On Placing Critically Injured Patients In Suspended Animation

March 28, 2014

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Because the future is rapidly approaching, doctors are currently conducting human trials on the ability to put critically injured patients in suspended animation in order to buy more time to save them. Cool, but if I get injured I want to be cryogenically frozen and thawed out the year hoverboards are invented. Just don't forget to heal me in the meantime. HOLY SHIT, HOVERBOARDS! *dies*

The idea, strange as it may sound, is to keep patients in suspended animation -- neither alive nor dead -- until your body is whole once again. To do this, doctors will be kept at the ready at Pittsburgh's UPMC Presbyterian Hospital. Once a stabbing or gunshot victim is admitted in critical condition, these doctors will go to work, entirely replacing the patient's blood with a cold saline solution. By stopping nearly all the body's cellular activity, this solution basically brings you to death's door without letting you die.


It takes about 15 minutes to replace a patient's blood and cool their body to 50 degrees Fahrenheit. At this point patients will be clinically dead, but remain resuscitable for at least two hours. The technique works so well that even patients in the process of dying can be patched up and brought back to life.

So, is this how the zombie apocalypse begins? Probably not. In my mind it's going to be a biological weapon test gone horribly wrong (or right, depending on how you look at it). What do you think? "I guess I haven't given it much thought." It shows. Do you know what the Boy Scout motto is? "Be prepared?" You won't last the first day.

Thanks to ThrillHouse and LupusYonderboy, who agree most people are walking the fine line between alive and dead already.

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