CockadoodleRAWR: 'Chicken From Hell' Dino Discovered

March 20, 2014


Prehistoric earth was black and white? Mindblowing!

The only chicken from hell I want is in nugget form and they better be SPICY. This thing looks like a naked man crouched in a chicken costume. I outlined him for you here. See? Meet Anzu wyliei, a recently discovered species of North American dinosaur, aka POLLO DIABLO. I have never met a chicken from hell before, but I have met a goose from there that sneak-attacked me when I was trying to feed bread to my duck friends.

For a Tyrannosaurus rex looking for a snack, nothing might have tasted quite like the "chicken from hell."

That's one way Matt Lamanna describes Anzu wyliei, the species of dinosaur that he and fellow paleontologists unveiled Wednesday.

It's not the only way, though. Feathered demon also works, which is why Anzu -- derived from Sumerian mythology -- was chosen as a name. Or you could characterize it, as Lamanna also told CNN, as a 600-pound cross between an ostrich and a velociraptor. And it's "pretty damn close" to looking like the 6-foot-tall turkey a child famously referred to in the movie "Jurassic Park," except a lot stranger and meaner looking.

Is it too late for me to become a paleontologist? Do you have to go to school and get a degree or can I just start calling myself one? Because I know a lot of people who lie about their jobs. Most people actually. I just keep it simple and tell everyone I'm a space ranger. Also, are dinosaur bones like, finders-keepers? I don't want any museums trying to steal my treasures. I want to sleep with them in my pajamas at night.

Thanks to MikeD, Jeremy and E V I L A R E S, none of whom mentioned those dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in their emails. For shame, guys.

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