Smart Thinking: Man Gets Giant Black Widow Tattooed On Face To Overcome Fear Of Spiders

February 25, 2014


Meet Erik Ortiz. Like 200% of the population, Erik is afraid of spiders. So what did he do -- just live with it like everybody else? NOPE, he got this giant-ass black widow tattooed on his face to help overcome his fear. I dunno, I maybe would have started with one of those cheap plastic spider rings they hand out for Halloween.

"Everybody fears spiders," Ortiz said. "That's why I got it. Just to, like, make me know, that that's what I fear, but not to fear it. You know what I'm saying?"...

"Everybody looks at it like, "Damn spider" 'cause if you're going around your house, you know what I'm saying, you see those spiders, you're going to jump, you're going to jump, so putting one on my face, I say you know what, I'm going to see what people think."

His girlfriend wasn't too happy, though.

"She was mad at me," he said.

Well of course your girlfriend was mad at you. You can't go to a tattoo parlor promising to get her name done and come back with a spider tattoo on your face. And don't even act like that's not what happened, because I have BEEN THERE before. I told my girlfriend I was going to get her initials in a heart above my pecker and came back with a full chest skull and crossbones and 'A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME' underneath it. We're not together anymore, which is okay because long term relationships aren't very piratey anyways. I LIVE BY A CODE.

Thanks to Kenbo and A, who agree the best facial tattoos are permanent makeup ones.

  • Amanda

    Just read about him beating his girlfriend over this tattoo. Charmer.

  • seventhcolumn

    Just saw morning news in Central Florida about this guy being wanted by police. They said he should be easy to identify due to his face tattoo. Saw his face then had to come saw something hahahahaha

  • janiss

    How do i tattoo height on my forehead?

  • ProphetFlume

    This is all a cover. The real reason is his ascension to leader of that prison gang from The New Guy.

  • PBRthur

    So when someone slaps his face and screams "KILL IT" the surprise will be minimal.

  • $18889437

    Well... At least now i know how to overcome my paralyzing fear of penis. Thanks, Erik!

  • Guest

    do it like the face stars girl with lots of em, and not just regular dicks. scary dicks

  • Deksam

    Cops will like him as he is always easy to identify, dead or alive.

  • Deksam

    ...And also to help combat his fear of ever making more then minimum wage.

  • Spiders... if I'm not mistaken, that's one of the popular tattoos and nicknames that cholo gangbangers get. At least according to all of those 90s movies I grew up watching :3. And not to be too stereotypical, but the red plaid button-up shirt, red bill on the baseball cap, and I bet he has black hi-top converse and black dickies... I'm willing to bet this is more than just "I fear spiders so I got a tattoo of a spider." lol.

  • the antagonist

    Also helps him overcome his fear of gainful employment.

  • Patricia J. McDaniel

    my classmate's step-sister Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­K­­­­­­е­­­­­­ѕ $78/հ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­r on the с­­­­­­ο­­­­­­Μ­­­­­­ρ­­­­­­ս­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r. She has been fired from W­­­­­­ο­­­­­­r­­­­­­K for 6 Μ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but last Μ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ her income was $16662 just W­­­­­­ο­­­­­­r­­­­­­King on the с­­­­­­ο­­­­­­Μ­­­­­­ρ­­­­­­ս­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r for a Ϝ­­­­­­е­­­­­­W հ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­rs. Read more հ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r­­­­­­е,... Googleprofitfalls2014basicupe5a....

    ▊▊▊ ▊▊▊ ▊▊▊▊� ▊▊▊ ▊▊䷈▊ ▊▊▊ ▊▊▊I'm willing to bet this is more than just "I fear spiders so I got a tattoo of a spider." lol.

  • Epicjaps

    Yeah, good luck on getting a decent job. We may end up paying for your sorry ass.

  • Ollie Williams

    Employers love face tattoos.

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