New Boeing Smartphone Self Destructs If Tampered With

February 28, 2014


The Boeing Black is a new call-encrypting smartphone designed by the aerospace giant for use in the government and private sectors where phone security is of utmost importance. The phone will delete all its data and brick itself if it senses being opened or tampered with. However it will not catch fire and explode, making it significantly less cooler than I expected.

Boeing's tamper-proof phone is aimed at government agencies and contractors who need to keep communication and data secure, according to Boeing and filings with the U.S. Federal Communications Commission.

Made in the United States, the phone runs on Google Inc's Android operating system. The 5.2-by-2.7-inch handset, slightly larger than an iPhone, uses dual SIM cards to enable it to access multiple cell networks instead of a single network like a normal cellphone.

Awesome, I'm tired of getting my phone hacked and all my nude photos stolen. Plus the sext messages! Remember the last time all my sexts got leaked?

GW: Have I ever told you my penis is twice the size of a volcano but ten times as dangerous?
Girlfriend: I've seen it before, and it definitely isn't. Now stop texting, I'm in a business meeting.
GW: Fine
GW: Hey
GW: You there?
GW: Help, I'm going limp.

Thank to my buddy JB, who keeps all his telecommunications secure by only meeting in person wearing a fedora and fake mustache.

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