Good Work: Terrorist Suicide Bomb Trainer Blows Up Class

February 12, 2014


A terrorist suicide bomb trainer operating out of Iraq accidentally triggered his live explosive vest, killing himself and 21 other would-be bombers. 'So, you find a large crowd kind of like we have assembled here, then you just push this bu--' KABOOM! Presumably everybody in the class got A's for already knowing how to explode so well.

Just last week a suicide bomber struck a popular falafel shop near the Ministry of Foreign Affairs here, killing several people. On Monday evening Raad Hashim, working the counter at a liquor store near the site of the attack, burst out laughing when he heard the news.

"This is so funny," Mr. Hashim said. "It shows how stupid they are, those dogs and sons of dogs."

More seriously, he said, "it also gives me pain, as I remember all the innocent people that were killed here."

"What happened today was not death, but it was life to us," Mr. Hashim said. "Those 22 who were killed today might have killed hundreds of Iraqis, hundreds of innocent souls. May they burn in hell."

"May they burn in hell." Powerful words. Maybe even as powerful as Expecto Patronum. Did I tell you I finally figured out what my Patronus is? A COBRA. Check this out -- EXPECTO PATRONUM! See? "That's definitely a penis." I was afraid of that.

Thanks to Andreas, who only wishes more suicide bombers had taken this guy's class.

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