So Many Questions: The First Ninja Turtle Movie Poster

January 30, 2014

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This is allegedly the first movie poster for the upcoming Ninja Turtles movie. It left me with so many questions. Why does Rafael's shoulder look like a watermelon? Why is Donatello wearing eyeglasses? Is he the only one who needs corrective lenses or are the others wearing contacts? Did they have to put that tape on his glasses? What the hell are those goggles on top of his head? Did they really replace his bō with a shower curtain rod? Donatello already has a hard enough time being anybody's favorite ninja turtle, why'd you have to go and make him look like that? FULL DISCLOSURE: Donatello actually was my favorite ninja turtle growing up. "WHAT?!" It's true. "That explains so much." Oh yeah? Does it explain THIS? "You pointing at your crotch?" Yeah, does it explain that? "I guess not." I DIDN'T THINK SO.

Thanks to whoever posted this on Facebook and got it to show up on my mini-feed instead of an Upworthy video or some article about '21 Things You Won't Believe About What The F*** Ever'.

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