Not Good At All: What Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles Are Going To Look Like

January 23, 2014

new-ninja-turtles.jpg

Because what good is making a new Ninja Turtle movie if you can't sell kid's Halloween costumes of all the characters, this is a leaked shot of a costume based on the way the Ninja Turtles will appear in the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles due out in a few months. Apparently the turtles have tattoos. And wear sunglasses (despite not having external ears). AND SHORTS?! Where the hell do you buy shorts in mutant turtle sizes? Besides, a turtle's penis isn't visible outside the cloaca except during mating, so there's really no reason to wear shorts in the first place. I'd think running into an anthropomorphic turtle wearing shorts would be even weirder than running into a naked one. You know how the script for Quintin Tarantino's new movie got leaked and now he's said he isn't going to make it? They should consider doing something similar for this.

Thanks to lilco, who admitted to having a crush on Michelangelo. You do know he's a turtle, right? "Aren't you into dinosaurs?" Turtles are cool, you could date a turtle if you wanted.

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