Hershey's Is Going To Make A 3-D Printer For Chocolate

January 16, 2014


In news that's sure to excite the execs of pharmaceutical companies that manufacture diabetes medications, Hershey has just announced a partnership with 3D systems to produce a 3-D printer that prints in chocolate (previously: this one that already exists). Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Chocolate penises?" Of every shape and size!

"Whether it's creating a whole new form of candy or developing a new way to produce it, we embrace new technologies such as 3-D printing as a way to keep moving our timeless confectionery treats into the future," said William Papa, head of research and development at Hershey, in a statement.

There is no word as to when the magical device might be available or how much it might cost.

How long until everybody who owns one is just printing a constant dot straight into their mouths? My guess is by the end of day one. Personal fun fact I probably shouldn't be telling you: one time a lover and I were messing around with hot fudge in the bedroom and she poured it on my banana but it was waaaaaay too f***ing hot and I wiped it off on the sheets screaming and it looked like I shit the bed until I did laundry the following week (actually two weeks).

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he never makes chocolates for a party without an unhealthy dose of laxatives. Nothing like watching your friends poop their pants because there's only one bathroom.

  • Tim

    And of course misspell it Chocalate like in the photograph I presume?

  • Never mind printing it!
    Just hook me up to it directly.
    I need chocolate inside me and I need it NOW!

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    I have an strong desire to rename my junk from Krull to Chocolate.

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    I have seen enough hentai to know...

    ...on a second though forget about that! It would look much nastier than The joke.

  • steve holt

    i had to explain to everyone why i was laughing out loud about the hot fudge/banana/screaming sheet story. that is golden. Thanks for sharing.

  • McGarnagle

    Is the third dimension the one where Hershey's doesn't taste like vomit?

  • Andrew

    It looks like the 3D chocolate printer used in the picture needs 3D chocolate spell check.

  • Or this is was printed on the top of a birthday cake for this horse: http://www1.skysports.com/r...

  • RareAwesomeman

    I have so many questions for you: why are you on standby with a race horse name reference? Secondly, the horses sex is Bay Gelding? what kind of genitalia is that? Does sex mean something else on a horse profile? I would have googled this but I was to scared of what might come up. What kind of name is high 5 for an owner? And most importantly: was the trainer actually a king?

  • Shane Anderson

    I bet chocolate schlongs will be among the first things printed in Chocolate.

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