Wait, What Happened To Dying Another Day?: James Bond At Risk For A Booze-Related Early Grave

December 13, 2013


Two researchers recently read Ian Fleming's 14 original James Bond stories to study Bond's drinking habits. What they found was that 007 could very well be on his way to an early, alcohol-related death. You know, provided an evil villain doesn't get him first. Because I would put my money on that. Or exploding from too much sex with all those hotties.

Researchers found Bond's weekly alcohol consumption totaled 92 units a week, which is more than four times what doctors recommend. A real person would not be able to carry out such complicated tasks and function as well as Bond does while maintaining such habits, they conclude.

A unit of alcohol is defined as 10 milliliters or 8 grams of pure ethanol in the United Kingdom. For some perspective on that, a bottle of wine is nine units, and a pint of beer is three, according to this study.

They found that in "From Russia with Love," on the third day of the story, Bond drank about 50 units of alcohol -- the highest daily consumption in the collection of stories.

It also appears that the spy's alcohol intake dropped around the middle of his career, but then picked back up gradually toward the end.

We advise an immediate referral for further assessment and treatment," the study authors wrote, as well as "a reduction in alcohol to safe levels."

So like, these researchers realize the James Bond series is fictional and not a biography, right? Because they're acting like he's a real person. That makes me worry. Probably not the kind of people you want making a diagnosis. My doctor either. "Your graphs are off the charts." Huh? "Take these." Skittles? "But make sure to pick out the purple ones first."

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he's playing the supervillain in the next Bond film and has every intention of making it 007's last.

Previous Post
Next Post