NORTH DAKOTA?!: The United States Of Penis Size

December 3, 2013


These are the fifty states (excluding Georgia for some reason but including the District of Columbia) ranked according to peenor size per data gathered by online condom retailer Condomania. It could be 100% inaccurate though because all they really did was tally what percentage of orders sent to a particular state were for larger-than-average sized condoms. First of all, who buys condoms online? I thought condoms were all hastily bought at gas stations. Secondly, half the guys that buy big condoms don't even need them, they just want to BELIEVE they do. Because one time I was over at a buddy's place and I saw a box of Magnums on his dresser and I have seen this dude's pecker before and there is NO WAY those fit unless he's securing them with zip-ties. "Let's go back to the part where you saw your buddy's pecker." What is this, the homoerotic fan-fiction hour? My point is I'm the only person alive from North Dakota.

Thanks to lebeeps, who informed me the girth measurement that actually matters. Cool, because I only order Trojan 'Tractor Tires'.

  • TeaTony

    Mississippi, the state with one of the largest African American populations, is in last place? And California, with its relatively large Asian-American population, is in the top 15? There is no way this non-scientific chart and my non-scientific stereotypes can both be true!

  • Frédéric Purenne

    No jokes about Virginia being 18 yet? COME ON!

  • Tom Miller

    District of Columbia is not a state.

  • Chris

    So...everything's NOT bigger in Texas?

    ...not that I have room to talk, being from Missouri...

  • Kityglitr

    Wow. And Georgia loses. Again.

  • Hannah Skoonberg

    There is no Georgia on this list. Also District of Columbia is not a state.

  • Vladeon

    "District of Columbia is not a state yet"

    Fixed that for you.

    There's a reason we have license plates that say "taxation without representation" We may not have the Boston harbor to dump tea in, but we sure have the National Harbor to dump coffee in, though that'd probably just end up with a bunch of business men drinking from the Potomac River, which doesn't sound healthy.

  • Shane Anderson

    fun fact: condoms are cheaper online and more discrete if thats your thing

  • +1 for "homoerotic fan-fiction hour"

  • ODwanKenObi

    +1 for you mentioning it in the comments.

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