Google Buys Boston Dynamics, Heralds Apocalypse

December 16, 2013


Google confirmed on Friday that they purchased Boston Dynamics, the robotic company behind such killers as BigDog, ATLAS and Cheetah. Google plans to harness the power of the killing machines to take over the planet and herald a new age of robotic glory. You know who made the deal? Nobody -- it was all orchestrated by sentient computers. Okay I'm not sure if that's actually true but damn if I didn't just got goosebumps thinking about it.

It is the eighth robotics company that Google has acquired in the last half-year. Executives at the Internet giant are circumspect about what exactly they plan to do with their robot collection. But Boston Dynamics and its animal kingdom-themed machines bring significant cachet to Google's robotic efforts, which are being led by Andy Rubin, the Google executive who spearheaded the development of Android, the world's most widely used smartphone software.

The deal is also the clearest indication yet that Google is intent on building a new class of autonomous systems that might do anything from warehouse work to package delivery and even elder care.

Whoa -- that's the EIGHTH robotics company Google has bought in the last six months? I don't like the sound of that. Soon they're going to own ALL the robotics companies. And then what? "Game over." Yep, and not the cool kind of game over where the coach still takes the team out for pizza afterwards either.

Thanks to red, Jono, tuqueque and crisi miki wiki, who agree there should have been some sort of government anti-monopoly hearing before the deal was allowed to go through and doom humanity.

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