How To: Open A Can With No Opener (Or Anything Else)

November 19, 2013


Listen: I'm sick, so bear with me. And not sick like somebody who will eat food off the ground, sick like on meds and my brain feels like a cloud. It's even harder to think than normal (which was already near impossible). This is a video tutorial by Youtuber CrazyRussianHacker (arguably one of the most dangerous men in the world) of how to open a can without any tools. The secret? Rubbing the top on concrete to expose where the top and body of the can are joined, then giving the thing a nice firm squeeze. BOOM -- tuna. I suppose it's a little neater than repeatedly smashing the can on the ground until it explodes, but some of us don't mind eating off the ground. "I thought you just said you weren't sick like that." Haha, I am ALWAYS sick like that. I'm just bonus sick right now.

Keep going for the video, then go home and impress your roommates with your new zombie apocalypse survival skill.

Thanks to David, A.R. and Lana, who agree the coolest thing about zombie apocalypse survival skills is never having to perfect them BECAUSE IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

  • Simon B.

    CrazyRussianHacker is annoying. I like Boris better.

  • Alex Lampe

    turning on the youtube captions makes this much better.

  • Ed Hopkins

    Russian tuna is a rip-off. It looks like it's more than half water.

    "Here's 50 cents. Do me a favour, sweetheart. Next time you're shopping, why not splurge on a tin of solid white albacore?"

  • FuneralHomme

    i just realized i already learned how to do this from the movie do the right thing...

  • Turbosloth


  • MustacheHam

    Grinding on the can. tee hee hee.

  • Michael Knight

    except he is using a tool. the huge chunk of cement.

  • Micheal Reeve

    concrete is pretty much anywhere. Its a material, not a tool. The only tool here is you and your attempt to troll.

  • Michael Knight

    no, noncrete isn't pretty much anywhere/everywhere. you go hiking out in the woods and bring a can but forgot your can opener, guess what NO CEMENT. if you are in an environment that has cement GUESS WHAT you are probably close to a can opener.
    you name a tool that isn't made out of a 'material' genius.
    looks like you are the troll who doesn't think before pounding on your keyboard.

  • Guest

    No wonder you feel like shit you went to an
    atheist faith healer
    who pumped you full of meds. Go see your shaman immediately.

  • Guest
  • Guest

    screw you guys, that was funny. You laughed at the dick church take it in stride

  • jeffrey jakubowski

    He didn't even do the huge ass can which is what I really wanted to see. BULLSHIT

  • TerryTurtle

    I'm sure we have a can opener that does something similar to how this works - the beauty of it is there are no sharp edges too!

  • Joe Hansbarger

    I just lost it at "Guess vhat? Zee cat's goink to sorvive too."

  • Soylent Green Is People

    In Soviet Russia, pussy eat you!

  • RareAwesomeman

    I like that the cat looks up after that as if to say "what about me?"

  • wowemily

    Looks like tiny metal bits would go into the tuna. He should perhaps add a step where he brushes those away.

  • Micheal Reeve

    Or use some common sense

  • Chad Burton


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