Your Ass Isn't Worth It: $1-Million/Roll Gold Toilet Paper

October 9, 2013


This is the $1,376,900 AUD (~$1,300,000 US) roll of 22-karat gold toilet paper sold by the Toilet Paper Man in Australia. You think the Toilet Paper Man always wanted to be the Toilet Paper Man when he was growing up? "I'm gonna be up in everyone's asses!" he probably told kids on the school bus. Each gold roll comes hand delivered with a bottle of champagne, which is a ripoff if you ask me because the cost of my gold toilet paper should not include SOMEBODY ELSE'S AIRFARE. I don't care if it's the Toilet Paper Man, he should be able to flush himself to me.

Thanks to Troy, who wants to see those cartoon Charmin bears with gold dingleberries.

  • Nick

    Joke's on you. 24k gold toilet paper at Costco 24 roll only $10 million. That's a savings of $900k per roll. You rich people disgust me...

  • Xankar

    22 Carrots were used in the making of this

  • Sean Lally

    Not very absorbent I hear. Just a smeared up butt when done...

  • elpolloloco

    Rather eat it after use.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    The average roll of toilet paper is 1000 sheets of 4.5" by 4.5" squares

    4.5 * 4.5 * 1000 = 20.25 * 1000 = 20250

    20250 square inches = 3138.756 square centimeters

    Let the thickness of each sheet be x

    3138.756 * x = Volume of 1 toilet paper roll

    22 karat gold has a value of $38.5 per gram and a density of 17.8 g/cubic-centimeter

    Value = Cost per gram * Mass

    V = 38.5 * 17.8 * 3138.756 * x
    V = 2150989.4868 * x
    1,300,000 = 2150989.4868 * x
    x = 0.60437301436279618733095148663839

    I highly doubt that the sheets will be 0.6 cm thick. I would rather take the same gold, melt it into a scraper form, perhaps in the shape of a finger, and wipe my ass with a washable and reusable form.

    But that's just me.

  • Nick

    That's just you preferring the feeling of a finger up your arse. Not judging.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Who doesn't like the feeling of a finger in their bum?

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    If you want to save this little of money this product is not for you.

  • iofo61

    Free shipping to Dubai.

  • Take that, orphans!

  • Kevin

    (Insert "literally flushing money down the toilet" joke here)

blog comments powered by Disqus
Previous Post
Next Post