It's How I Wanna Go: Some Male Marsupials Actually Sex Themselves To Death

October 8, 2013


Seen here looking absolutely nothing like the sex-craved maniac that he actually is (appearances can be deceiving), a yellow footed (and potentially bruised penis) antechinus prepares to sex himself to death. Not a bad way to go if you ask me. Of course if you asked my partner she would probably prefer I not die mid-coitus. "You do and I'm not taking your unicorn tail buttplug out before calling an ambulance," she once threatened me.

A new study suggests that some species of marsupials mate with such vigour and intensity that it quite literally kills them.

The scientists say that males die in large numbers after mating with as many partners as possible in sex sessions lasting up to 14 hours at a time.

The males attempt to mate with as many females as possible in long, laborious bouts, driven by high levels of hormones including testosterone.

These chemicals in turn elevate their levels of stress hormones and their systems are unable to cope, says Dr Fisher.

So a 14-hour orgy followed by death. *weighing pros and cons in head* So like, in Buddhism is there anyway to actually pick what kind of animal you're reincarnated as? I'm asking for a friend. Me -- I'm my own best friend. So you wanna do something later? No I'm busy. Damn well maybe some other time.

Thanks to jimmmy, who told me sometimes the circle of life is actually heart shaped. I have no idea what that means but I believe you.

  • Emmitt Morgans

    Oh, okay... *WHEW* I had to read past the headline to make sure marsupial masturbation wasn't a leading cause of death amongst my fine, furry friends.

    As they would say: "what the yiff?"

  • My fur banana hammock is crafted from antechinus pelts.. makes my balls warm to know that they're protected by such studs.

  • Mr. Popo

    I'm totally OK with this and I would highfive those antechinus... if well you know, if they weren't dead.

  • ZerglingPack

    Death by snoo snoo, that's a pretty awesome way to go.

  • Kevin

    Crazy. Such a shame that they have to die. They probably aren't smart enough to realize after an hour they're shooting blanks.

  • GreyMatter

    "You do and I'm not taking your unicorn tail buttplug out before calling an ambulance," she once threatened me."


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