Goverment Shutdown Closes Zoo, Little Monkey Is Sad

October 11, 2013


I don't normally get involved in politics because it's not my job to depress the shit out of people, but I can't help but feel sorry for this little monkey. Obviously he escaped from the National Zoo and wants to return, but, due to the government shutdown, he can't get back in. "You do realize that's a child, right?" You sure? But seriously, are the animals at the zoo at least getting fed? Because I suggest every day the government can't agree on a budget we draw a Congress member's name out of a hat and throw them into the lion pit. Plus live broadcast it all like The Hunger Games. "Wow, GW, you should be president." I know I should be. You know how I know? Because I absolutely, 100% don't want to be. Anybody who actually wants to be involved in politics shouldn't be allowed. If you're not actively trying to resign everyday, you're obviously not a person of the people.

Thanks to Lizzy, who told me she just wants to go back to work and do her job. Congress, not so much.

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