Damn Rich Kids: The $27,000 Pirate Ship Playhouse

October 22, 2013


With Christmas already approaching off the starboard bow (that's nautical talk!), it's time to start thinking about what you millionaires (Geekologie's largest demographic) are going to buy your children. This is the $27,000 Pirate Ship Playhouse from Hammacher Schlemmer. Now I'm no carpenter, and I practically have zero faith in myself, but I'm pretty sure I could make one just as good and for cheaper during a brief stint of unemployment. I'd also teach myself how to cook.

This is the wooden playhouse that suggests a 23' high weather-beaten pirate sloop has marooned itself in the backyard. With a hearty cedar and redwood exterior, it is festooned with classic pirate-age decorations that compel exploration: a cutlass-bearing skeleton lashed to the bowsprit, a boarded-over cannonball hole, crossed bones that form a window pane, and a crow's nest with Calico Jack Rackam's Jolly Roger flag. The playhouse rests on a real hollowed-out 5' diameter tree trunk equipped with a ladder; ascending the ladder inside the trunk and opening the trap door allows entry into the ship. Other points of entry include a climbing net and a staircase. Once aboard, the ship's bow, ship's castle, and the balcony all serve as play areas. All interior areas are framed in Douglas fir. A corkscrew tunnel slide extends from the balcony affixed to the stern and a fireman's pole extends from the bow, facilitating easy ship abandonment. Decorated in non-toxic paint that withstands exuberant play and harsh weather for years.

I mean that sounds PRETTY cool and all, but I think the best kind of playhouses are the ones with hornet nests inside like the one I had growing up. I didn't even have to hang a 'NO GURLS ALLOWED' sign because none would come anywhere near the thing. Boys either. My secret club was pretty much just me and the hornets. We had a deal: as long as I didn't poke any of their nests with a stick, they wouldn't sting me enough to kill me.

Thanks to PYY and my buddy Sam, who agree the best playhouses are the ones shared with friends and have a stockpile of nudie magazines.

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