Where Do I Sign Up?: NASA Will Pay You $1,200 A Week To Lay In Bed All Day

September 25, 2013


Wow, those might be the saddest 'Get Well' balloons of all time.

To test better ways of acclimating space travelers back to life on earth (read: with gravity), NASA is looking to pay individuals up to $1,200 a week to lay in bed all day. That's like, my dream world. Well, provided I have an automatic chocolate milk dispenser and Netflix.

A study to be conducted by NASA is looking for people to lie in a tilted bed for 70 days. The bed will be slanted at an angle of 6 degrees and is meant to help researchers develop methods that will allow astronauts returning from space missions to physically adjust to daily life. Because gravity is virtually nonexistent in space, astronauts use less energy when going about their daily routines. Therefore, they have a harder time getting used to regular life on Earth after they land.

Test subjects will be split into two groups: one that will spend 105 days living at NASA's Flight Analogs Research Unit (FARU) and be required to undergo different resistance and aerobic exercises while still on bed rest, and another that will spend 97 days simply lying in bed without any exercise. Since the subjects are required to be in a horizontal position throughout the study, a modified shower and bathroom will be provided when nature calls.

Whoa whoa whoa -- I better not be in the group required to do exercise in bed. Because there's only one kind of exercise I like to do in bed -- hip thrusting. I'm talking about having sex. And I'm talking about it on the back of the bus too, so if one of the field trip chaperones asks what we're talking about you better tell them Pokemon.

Thanks to Inky Bloc and danielle, who agree bed tester has got to be one of the best jobs in the world provided you're not testing beds of nails or shitty blow-up mattresses.

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