iPhone 5S's Fingerprint Scanner Also Works For Nipples

September 24, 2013

nipple-scanner.jpg

Honey, it finally happened -- I caught a man nursing his iPhone at the office today.

Seen here in what appears to be the middle of a steamy sexting session, a man uses his nipple to unlock the iPhone 5S's fingerprint scanner. That's because, just like fingerprints, nipples are unique -- like snowflakes. And if you're a witch, just as cold. When my nips get cold they shrivel up to the size of dimes. That's when I like them the best. Otherwise they're the size of metal garbage can lids but make way crappier shields in a snowball fight.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to fat piggie, who's really hoping snouts will work too.

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