I Need Help: Internet Rehab Clinics Are A Real Thing Now

September 5, 2013

internet-addiction-clinic.jpg

For a scant $14,000 (insurance won't cover any of it because internet addiction isn't recognized as a mental disorder), the Bradford Regional Medical Center, in Bradford, Pennsylvania will cure your internet addiction. Or at least until the second you get home and fall right back down the rabbit hole. *sobbing* REDDIT IS ALL I HAVE.

Addiction experts will treat patients at the hospital's behavioral health services department, the wing that also treats substance addiction.


The psychologist who created the program, Dr. Kimberly Young, told Fox News that Internet addiction may be more prevalent than substance addiction since it is "free, legal, and fat-free." Young, Motherboard notes, wrote a book on Internet addiction as early as 1996 and is an expert in the field. She founded the Center for Internet Addiction at the Bradford hospital in 1995, though this is apparently her first inpatient program for Internet addiction.

The hospital will treat four patients at a time, with each class starting the 10-day program together. At the outset, patients are cut off from the Internet for 72 hours, a period in which they may show withdrawal symptoms. Patients will also take part in group therapy, undergo psychological evaluations and learn how to safely use the Internet without getting hooked.

Wait -- internet addiction is treated in the same department as substance addiction? So they throw the uncontrollable interneters in there with the crack and meth addicts? That sounds like a bad idea.

Meth Addict: *picking at scabs* What are you in for?
Internet Addict: The internet.
Meth Addict: The internet?! LISTEN -- YOU'RE GONNA HIDE THIS BAGGIE UP YOUR ASS FOR ME AND IF YOU SNITCH I'LL KILL YOU.
Internet Addict: I can't.
Meth Addict: DO IT, OR YOU'RE ABOUT TO GOOGLE A BEATDOWN, BITCH.
Internet Addict: But...
Meth Addict: BUT WHAT?
Internet Addict: But I already have a smartphone up there!

Thanks to Pyrblaze, 14.4K Till I Die (hahahha, that would kill most people immediately) and Alicia, who agree if you're concerned you might be an internet addict you should come live with me for 24 hours and see what the real bottom of the barrel looks like.

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