Dammit Mother Nature: Freaky Deaky 6-Clawed Lobster

September 10, 2013


Meet Lola, a 4-pound, 10-year old lobster caught off the coast of Massachusetts with a regular claw on one side, and five freaky little nonfunctional claws on the other. MUTANT! *calling Professor X* Seriously bro, you have to let us kill and eat this one.

"This claw deformity is a genetic mutation," aquarium manager Aimee Hayden-Roderiques told WMTW-TV in Maine. "Sometimes they have this throughout their life, sometimes this happens during a regeneration from a damaged or lost claw."

"Sometimes the genes will just get a little mixed and it will grow a funny claw," he told the Bangor Daily News. "But I've never seen anything like this."

Lucky for Lola, the deformity saved her life.

Man, that looks like something straight out of one of my nightmares. The one where a fancy dinner at a seafood restaurant TURNS INTO A BLOOD BATH. You ever seen a lobster the size of a bear tearing the arms off your date before? No more bong rips and fish sticks right before bed.

Thanks to ChaosLex, who believes pollution is the cause of the mutation and now has all his food raised on the moon to prevent contamination. Smart thinking.

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