200K People Applied To Go Die On Mars In 1-Way Mission

September 11, 2013


202,586 people from 140 countries applied to take a one-way trip to the Mars as part of Mars One's manned missions to the red planet beginning in 2023. "F*** earth", I imagine them all saying as they licked the envelopes containing their applications, "I hate my neighbors."

The first of four selection rounds ended August 31. Now, the Mars One selection committee will spend the next several months narrowing down the applicants. There are even plans to launch a reality TV show to choose the final candidates. The goal is for 24 to 40 people to begin a seven-year training program in 2015. Then, working with the private space flight company SpaceX, Mars One hopes to send the prospective Martian settlers to the red planet in teams of four, beginning in 2023.

You know, the fact that over 200,000 people applied to leave earth and go die on another planet actually helped RESTORE my waning faith in humanity that made me decide to apply to the program in the first place. Weird how these things work out. That said, if I'm not chosen, I'm totally going to knock out one of the astronauts that did make the cut, steal their spacesuit, and board the ship myself. I'm pretty sure I saw that in a James Bond movie.

Me: GW to launch control, where's the beverage cart?
Launch Control: GW who?
Me: Nevermind, I found it. Say, are these airplane bottles supposed to last the whole trip, because I drink a lot.
Launch Control: There isn't any alcohol on the ship, sir. Those are travel-sized shampoo bottles.
Me: *blowing soap bubbles* ABORT, ABORT.

Thanks to Jeremey, who didn't apply himself but only because he wants to claim earth for himself once everybody else leaves. I call the moon!

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