Virgin Atlantic Adds Live Stand-Up Comedy To Flights

August 8, 2013


Virgin Atlantic is going to start adding live comedy and music to some of its domestic UK flights, because who really wants to sleep on a plane anyways? Except me, I want to sleep on the plane. I like to get just drunk enough at the airport to board my flight, pass out, then wake up when we're landing. "But GW -- what if there's an emergency?" Come on --- do I look like a hero to you? "Well, no." *ties bed sheet cape around neck* Okay what about now?

The full line-up of acts will be revealed through Virgin's social media channels but the specifics of exactly which flights will offer the live performances will remain undisclosed, with the hope of creating an unexpected "truly one of a kind experience" for passengers.

The airline wanted to "shake up domestic flying in the UK" with the new entertainment programme, said Virgin Atlantic founder Sir Richard Branson.

What's up with airline food, amirite? *groans* Listen, you folks are gonna start laughing or I'm going to take this f***ing mic stand and smash it through a window at 30,000 feet. *nervous laughter* That wasn't a joke. You know what? Screw it, I'm locking myself in the bathroom for the rest of the flight and the rest of you can piss your pants. *serious laughter* I wasn't kidding. *drops mic, grabs a handful of airplane bottles and a Skymall* You think I can't masturbate to wacky products?

Thanks to Wait, who...okay. *twiddling thumbs*

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