The Zombie Apocalypse Rate Of Transmission Equation

August 1, 2013


University of Ottawa mathematics professor Robert J. Smith? (who really spells his name with a ? at the end because he's A F***ING WEIRDO eccentric) has developed an equation for the rate of zombie transmission. And that equation is (bN)(S/N)Z = bSZ, not to be confused with B(o)NER - A GF = :( which is the equation of my roommate's life.

As for a zombie apocalypse, Smith's model shows that a zombie infection would spread quickly (with N representing total population, S the number of susceptible people, Z the zombies, and b the likelihood of transmission). It also shows that zombies would overtake the world-- there's no chance for a "stable equilibrium" in which humans could coexist with the undead or eradicate the disease.

Only coordinated attacks against the zombies would save humanity, the model shows.

Well of course there's no chance for a "stable equilibrium" where humans and zombies can coexist, THEY'RE ZOMBIES AND WANT TO EAT US ALL. No matter how hard you might want to get along, you just can't have zombie neighbors. Vampire neighbors yes, but I would definitely make all your cats indoor cats if you do. "Shhhhhhhh!" No -- you sucked Mr. Biscuits dry, Edward!

Thanks to Pyrblaze, who agrees the key to successfully surviving a zombie apocalypse is being the first one to the moon.

  • Alexis

    I didn't know zombies excist. JK!!hahaha!!! yeah right!!!

  • Equation for zombies. WTF are you kidding me.

  • RiotDemon

    Try the game Plague Inc. Might not be zombies, per se, but it makes you think how fast stuff can spread.

  • John_Drake

    When you think about it, Zombies as a race/species make no sense. There goal is to bite/infect as many people as possible, then what? They don't feed on themselves, so eventually they'll just run out of food. There's a scene in WWZ where the zombies basically do this and end up just standing around in a kind of limbo. Doesn't seem to be quite logical, does it?

  • They aren't a race/species. They're people with a 'disease' which just wants to spread to everything. Diseases don't make sense from a human point of view.

  • Robin Manford

    It's easier to understand why Smith? has a question mark at the end of his name when you know he's Australian.

  • No, no it's not.

  • Robin Manford

    No? Surely it relates to the high rising terminal (AKA Australian Question Intonation). You know, what kids do by ending statements as if they were a question:

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