The Zombie Apocalypse Rate Of Transmission Equation

August 1, 2013


University of Ottawa mathematics professor Robert J. Smith? (who really spells his name with a ? at the end because he's A F***ING WEIRDO eccentric) has developed an equation for the rate of zombie transmission. And that equation is (bN)(S/N)Z = bSZ, not to be confused with B(o)NER - A GF = :( which is the equation of my roommate's life.

As for a zombie apocalypse, Smith's model shows that a zombie infection would spread quickly (with N representing total population, S the number of susceptible people, Z the zombies, and b the likelihood of transmission). It also shows that zombies would overtake the world-- there's no chance for a "stable equilibrium" in which humans could coexist with the undead or eradicate the disease.

Only coordinated attacks against the zombies would save humanity, the model shows.

Well of course there's no chance for a "stable equilibrium" where humans and zombies can coexist, THEY'RE ZOMBIES AND WANT TO EAT US ALL. No matter how hard you might want to get along, you just can't have zombie neighbors. Vampire neighbors yes, but I would definitely make all your cats indoor cats if you do. "Shhhhhhhh!" No -- you sucked Mr. Biscuits dry, Edward!

Thanks to Pyrblaze, who agrees the key to successfully surviving a zombie apocalypse is being the first one to the moon.

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