Prepare To Die, Bagel!: Samurai Sword Kitchen Knives

August 19, 2013


This is a $60 set of Samurai sword kitchen knives designed by Fizz Creations and for sale at Gizoo. You get a chef's knife, bread knife, utility knife and paring knife, each in its own saya (scabbard). *drawing sword* DiGiorno pizza -- you burnt the roof of my mouth and sullied my family's good name, PREPARE TO EAT SHIT AND DIE. Red Baron -- you and I are still cool.

The ultimate kitchen accessory for the cultural cook! These fully functional kitchen knives look like genuine Japanese artefacts displayed in your kitchen on their very own stand, until you pull out the chef's knife and lay waste to the joint of beef that needs slicing! Prepare to slice your food the Samurai way!

Alternatively, just use the samurai sword replica you bought at the weapon kiosk at the mall, that's what I do. You ever sliced bread from a loaf before WHILE IT'S MID-AIR? Me neither, I'm not going to stop trying though. Try hard, believe in yourself, and save the bread that's fallen on the floor for guests -- that's my samurai motto.

Thanks to Brian S, who agrees they should make a set of kitchen knives that all look like little hand saws. Great, I think I just gave somebody a million couple hundred dollar idea.

  • None of these are serrated enough to do more damage to a bagel than a frustrated hand does.

  • SZMatheson

    It's a shame that it would suck to actually cook with those because of the lack of clearance for one' knuckles.

  • Alexandre

    Nobody will give a shit, but factoid for you: katana and wakizashi are always supposed to be displayed (and displayed) edge-up; the only Japanese sword worn edge-down and typically displayed that way as well is a "tachi" (which is more or less the same thing as a katana but with different fittings/mountings to make it easier to draw on horseback, hence being worn edge-down)


  • Denis Bowman


  • I once tossed a pineapple in the air, cut it in half with a sword, then caught both halves. My single greatest accomplishment in life. Fuck college!

  • Max Baldwin

    Now the ninja costume that I wear around my apartment will make more sense.

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