Go Halvsies With Me?: NASA Selling Off Its Launchpads

August 27, 2013


Because NASA is getting out of the launching people into space business, the agency has announced it's auctioning off three of its previously used shuttle launchpads. And you and I are going to buy one and turn it into a space themed restaurant. And by restaurant I obviously mean strip club. Yeah, and we're gonna have both male and female dancers, but they'll all be painted green and have to wear antennae and extra boobs and penises for an authentic alien vibe.

Originally built in 1967, each 3700 ton pad was officially used at the Kennedy Space Center to not only carry the Apollo moon program's rockets from an assembly area to the launch site, but to also send those rockets into space. The launch pads were later redesigned to accommodate space shuttles and were used regularly until 2010. Note that it's just the pads themselves that are for sale, not the crawler transporters.

Whoa whoa whoa -- the auctions don't include the crawler transporters?! But we were going to use those to shuttle people back and forth from the parking lot! "We were?" No, I was going to use one to crush my entire neighborhood like a slow-motion monster truck rally.

Thanks to Side Effect, which may include nausea, drunkenness, wishing you hadn't spent $700 on lap dances, and getting swindled by a naked lady painted green named Xaraxe.

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