Billion-Year Old Water Drank By Scientists, Tastes Like Ass

July 16, 2013


Remember a couple months ago when scientists discovered the oldest known water on earth, believed to be between 1-billion and 2.6-billion years old? Well now they've drank it, and from the sound of things it isn't going to win any blind taste tests between Pepsi and Coke. Per University of Toronto earth science professor Barbara Sherwood Lollar:

What is very, very old water like?

What jumps out at you first is the saltiness. Because of the reactions between the water and the rock, it is extremely salty. It is more viscous than tap water. It has the consistency of a very light maple syrup. It doesn't have color when it comes out, but as soon as it comes into contact with oxygen it turns an orangy color because the minerals in it begin to form -- especially the iron.

So you've tasted it?

I have to admit I have tasted it from time to time. It tastes terrible. It is much saltier than seawater. You would definitely not want to drink this stuff.

We are interested in the saltiest waters because they are the oldest, and tasting is the quick-and-dirty way to find which are the most salty. I don't let the students do it, though.

Well, there go our plans of bottling it and selling it to rich people. Unless -- UNLESS -- we price it so high we never have to sell the same person twice to still get rich! I'm genius! "You are the opposite of genius. And why's your breath smell like shit?" I don't want to talk about it. "No, let's talk about it." I accidentally brushed my teeth with foot cream this morning. :(

Thanks to Bria, who prefers water with a nice million-year old vintage.

  • Ninja_Cricket

    Haven't these people watched Doctor Who?! You don't drink the water. Aliens could be in it.

  • MC

    Judging by the chemical characteristics of the water, I fear it may soon become too obvious it was actually 2.6 billion year old alien piss; factor in the syrupy viscosity and it is something far worse... yes, syrup.

  • Closet Nerd

    Hehe.... I switched the scientist sample of "billion year old water" with a vile of my "swamp ass sweat" I obtained after I cut the lawn last weekend

  • Soylent Green Is People

    Remember when your parents caught you putting something in your mouth that you weren't supposed to and they'd yell "HEY, DON'T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH!!"

  • Just add magic powder from this post: and BOOM. Finally drink some delicious billion year old water! Because... ya know... that's necessary.

blog comments powered by Disqus
Previous Post
Next Post