What Took So Long?: Oscar Mayer Bacon Infused Hot Dogs

May 15, 2013


You know what the world doesn't need? Oscar Mayer bacon infused hot dogs. Do you know what the world is getting anyways? Oscar Mayer bacon infused hot dogs. And just in time for Memorial Day! Dare me to light a firework in my mouth?! Bacon dogs: because hotdogs shouldn't be all pig @$$holes (feel free to use that in ads if you want).

"No one knows bacon like Oscar Mayer," Jared Baker, director of Oscar Mayer hot dogs, said in a statement. "We know Americans love bacon, and we know they love hot dogs, so it seemed like the perfect time for us to introduce our first hot dog made with bacon."

True bacon aficionados were quick to notice that the new hot dogs aren't made entirely out of bacon; the ingredient list includes mechanically separated turkey, chicken, and pork as well as bacon pieces. The packaging promises no artificial colors, fillers, or by-products, but does disclose that additional smoke flavor is added.

Dammit, if you want a bacon dog you cook bacon and put it on a dog. Don't be lazy. But don't be too productive either because I'm only doing the bare minimum to get by and I can't have you making me look bad. You start showing up to work early and I will slash your tires. Fair warning.

Thanks to Nick22 and jedi GK, who like their hotdogs how they like their trips to Starbucks: with as few @$$holes inside as possible.

Previous Post
Next Post