See You In Hell: Rich Parents Hiring Disabled Guides So Their Brats Can Skip To The Head of The Lines At Disney

May 16, 2013


In news that would make anybody's blood boil who's spent two hours waiting to ride Pirates of the Caribbean with a bladder full of juice boxes, apparently rich Manhattan moms have gotten into the habit of hiring disabled tour guides to accompany their kids to Disney so they can skip to the head of the all lines and grow up to be giant pieces of entitled shit just like them. Prepare to rage!

"My daughter waited one minute to get on 'It's a Small World' -- the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours," crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida.

The "black-market Disney guides" run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day.

"You can't go to Disney without a tour concierge,'' she sniffed. "This is how the 1 percent does Disney."

The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a "handicapped" sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction.

I can honestly say I've never wanted to believe Manhattan housewives get their kicks from trolling more than I do now. 'This is how the 1 percent does Disney' -- with a disabled stranger toting you to the front of every line? Now kids: don't talk to the handicapper, they only work for us, they're not a friend. I mean I understand the money, but I'm surprised the disabled folks are cool playing along with the scam too. I'm going to start posing as a disabled Disney guide, then, as soon as we get to the first line, stand up out of my wheelchair and yell, "It's a miracle!" before diving into a loud, lengthy shaming of the parents in front of everybody in line. Now that's a vacation your kids will never forget.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he's the one that came up with this scam in the first place.

  • Guest

    The tour guides aren't really being "used". They get paid to go to disneyland, for god's sakes. How does that not sound like a sweet deal? I'd do it if I were handicapped. Both the handicapped folks and the people hiring them benefit from this, so what's the problem? I mean, think about it. Taking a handicapped person to Disney without paying them would be called charitable, wouldn't it?

  • Anthony Colón

    You don't even need a disabled tour guide to get that "treatment." I worked at Big Thunder Mountain in Disney World and regardless of the condition of the tour guide we had to seat them ahead of those who had waited X amount of hours on a line because they use the same entrance as the handicap.

  • Ariella Diamond

    What's the problem with this? Disabled people are getting paid $130 an hour to have fun at Disney World. Seems like a much better job than the ones I usually see disabled people having.

  • Oliver Cloesoff

    Screw all of that!! Buy an ACE bandage for a couple bucks, wrap your ankle and then rent a wheelchair at the park for 5 bucks. You'll get to the front of EVERY line as many times as you want! I speak from experience because I HAVE DONE IT. Please note, I was legitimately hurt..

  • My mom is disabled and most of the time Disney didn't let us cut any lines, just moved us to another area to sit and wait until I guess a fair amount of time had passed to the other people in line?

  • We rented a wheelchair at the gate years ago for a friend who recently had surgery and couldn't walk far. Our whole group got to the front of the line. Anyone can rent a wheelchair. The fact that rich people are PAYING someone is fantastic. They're too stupid to realize they could do it for FAR less. Serves them right. Rich people's first reaction is to throw money at a situation. Too funny. Arrogant bastards.

  • I rented a wheelchair in Disney like 10 years ago and did not had to wait for any single ride, am i a bad person ? :(

  • ShartInYourJacuzzi

    Is there a bigger possible "fuck you" to the working-class people in line who scrimped and saved all year for a Disney vacation?


    I bet I can hire a fully-abled person less than half that to take a dump on your Bentley's windshield, asshole.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    So the handicapped people are well-paid
    The rich people get what they want
    And everybody in line gets in after 2 hours 35 minutes instead of 2 hours 30 minutes

    As far as I can see, the people in line aren't really losing anything, the rich people aren't really gaining anything, and the handicapped people are making out like bandits.

    What's the issue? I get that it's unfair and abusive of the system, but it's not like they're using handicapped people to get better services that are necessary for living. They're using them to get a better value on entertainment, so once again, what's the issue?

  • Ed

    I want the IRS waiting at the head of the line to make sure these people aren't receiving social security disability payments. I'm not paying you hard my earned tax money so you can go get paid to hang out at Disney world too.

  • Austin Harsh

    Best idea anyone has ever had.... haha. (And for those haters, this is a WIN WIN situation, the handicap person that may not be able to go to Disneyland gets to not only go, but be first in line AND the people he/she is with gets to go first in line as well)

  • Anna

    Just remember that those kids will grow up having no idea how cool the line for Indiana Jones is.

  • JJtoob

    Why so mad GW? What's the difference between this and VIP passes other than this may be a tier above VIP treatment?

  • The Salivation Army

    Having taken a legitimately "handicapped" person (not paid, a dear friend actually) to the Disney in Anaheim we had expected to get to the front of the lines but unfortunately this is not the case. The majority of their rides, especially the new ones have altered their lines to be handicap friendly. So you would still have to wait in the line. The only ones we could get to the front of were the kiddie rides in Fantasy Land.

  • you need a guide for Disney? Half the experience is getting lost and arguing with family members

  • Hil

    If I'm ever disabled, I hope my biggest gripe is some rich asshole paying me megabucks to hang out at Disney World.

    (I know, I know. That's not what the line is for, but we've been to Disney twice and never waited more than ten minutes using a guide we bought for $16. These idiots are getting taken for thousands. lol)

  • "This is how the 1 percent does Disney."

    Y'know, call me crazy, but I don't think the "1 percent" label was intended to be worn as a badge of pride.

  • Brant_Alan

    Sometimes I really do want hell to exist.

  • Russ Klettke

    Those kids growing up with those mommies are going to hit a wall at some point relative to their presumed entitlement. Have you never seen "My Super Sweet 16 Birthday?" Average-looking girl's parents shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars to try to make them gorgeous and they invariable look like mid-price prostitutes.

  • Closet Nerd

    How karmic would it be if the mothers were in an accident, then became disabled and had to live in a wheelchair?

    Did I say "karmic", i meant "funny".....just sayin

  • True karmic retribution would be if she then ended up getting touted around an amusement park as an accessory to another self-proclaimed "1% Family."

    But without being paid. Because just the privilege of being able to spend a day with a family of such a high class is payment in itself, I'm sure.

  • Bubbubsky

    This would also have to happen after her husband dumped her after the disability became apparent and she was forced to scrimp and save and get through life without the sugar daddy's megabucks.

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