See You In Hell: Rich Parents Hiring Disabled Guides So Their Brats Can Skip To The Head of The Lines At Disney

May 16, 2013


In news that would make anybody's blood boil who's spent two hours waiting to ride Pirates of the Caribbean with a bladder full of juice boxes, apparently rich Manhattan moms have gotten into the habit of hiring disabled tour guides to accompany their kids to Disney so they can skip to the head of the all lines and grow up to be giant pieces of entitled shit just like them. Prepare to rage!

"My daughter waited one minute to get on 'It's a Small World' -- the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours," crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida.

The "black-market Disney guides" run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day.

"You can't go to Disney without a tour concierge,'' she sniffed. "This is how the 1 percent does Disney."

The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a "handicapped" sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction.

I can honestly say I've never wanted to believe Manhattan housewives get their kicks from trolling more than I do now. 'This is how the 1 percent does Disney' -- with a disabled stranger toting you to the front of every line? Now kids: don't talk to the handicapper, they only work for us, they're not a friend. I mean I understand the money, but I'm surprised the disabled folks are cool playing along with the scam too. I'm going to start posing as a disabled Disney guide, then, as soon as we get to the first line, stand up out of my wheelchair and yell, "It's a miracle!" before diving into a loud, lengthy shaming of the parents in front of everybody in line. Now that's a vacation your kids will never forget.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he's the one that came up with this scam in the first place.

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