Clone It Already: Scientists Find Liquid Mammoth Blood

May 31, 2013


In potentially exciting cloning news, scientists have successfully drawn liquid wooly mammoth blood from a carcass found in Siberia. Fingers crossed by this time next year they're inexpensive enough to hire for a kid's birthday party.

About 15,000 years ago, an old female wooly mammoth plunged through the ice as she was being chased by predators. Her remains have now been uncovered by scientists working in Siberia. And remarkably, as they were digging it out, blood began to stream out. Which is weird given that it was 10° below freezing.

"It can be assumed that the blood of mammoths had some cryo-protective properties," noted Grigoriev. Mammoth blood, it would appear, contains a kind of anti-freeze.

Anti-freeze blood or not, let's hurry and clone that sucker. Do you have any idea how majestic I would look riding an ARMORED MAMMOTH into battle? Of course you don't, which is why I took the liberty of Photoshopping some fur and armor into this picture of me riding an elephant at the zoo when I was a kid. "And who's this woman you drew in sitting beside you?" That's my cavewoman girlfriend. "She's topless." We're soulmates, bro -- I don't expect you to understand.

Hit the jump for a couple shots of the gnarly carcass the blood was pulled from.



Thanks to krunkmasterhowie and Cracknel, who have already started manufacturing wooly mammoth saddles in anticipation.

  • asdfasdf`

    sell me the meat. usually its rotten by the time they're found, but if the blood's fresh we can eat it.

  • LittleBigFace

    It was on it's period.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Paleolithic Park.

    We'll have all sorts of stuff, like the Dodo, the Auroch, the Wooly Mammoth, the Neanderthal, and more!

    And before anybody tries to inform me that Dodos and Aurochs weren't in the Paleolithic Era, let me remind you that Procompsognathus wasn't around during the Jurassic, yet they were still in the park.

  • parrotbomb

    and all dodos are female to make sure they dont reproduce beyond our control.
    Wait what, some of the dodos turned into males?.. why.. frog-dna? why did you gave them frog dna? are you insane? Oh god.. they are breaking out! THE FROGDODOS ARE BREAKING OUT! Run! they are taking terrible revenge on humanity! aahhh AAAHHHHH MY EYES..

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Don't Move! Their vision is based on movement!

  • Tyler AitchKay

    Finally - planking has a reason to exist

  • Tyler AitchKay

    Imagine the applications of anti-freeze blood in humans! No more brainfreeze!

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