Salt Everything: Giant African Land Snails Invading Miami

April 16, 2013


So apparently the Miami area is fighting an invasion of Giant African Land Snails, an invasive species of gastropod that's capable of EATING THROUGH WALLS. Well, stucco and plaster anyways. Which is what some walls are made of. Unless you're the first little pig, in which case you opted for straw. BAD DECISION.

The snails attack "over 500 known species of plants ... pretty much anything that's in their path and green," Feiber said.

In some Caribbean countries, such as Barbados, which are overrun with the creatures, the snails' shells blow out tires on the highway and turn into hurling projectiles from lawnmower blades, while their slime and excrement coat walls and pavement.

A typical snail can produce about 1,200 eggs a year and the creatures are a particular pest in homes because of their fondness for stucco, devoured for the calcium content they need for their shells.

You got a snail problem? Here's what you do: call in the French. Don't they love those things? Or is that like, stereotyping? Even if it is you agree with me. *waving baguette* Come one, come all -- wear a beret and eat for free!

Thanks to PYY, who names all snails Slimey, which is a great name for snails. Slugs too, but slugs are gross and don't deserve names. Just kidding, slug readers!

  • rebekahshurman

    Dude, one of those things has a quarter. They steal too?!

  • Rix Trix

    mmmm escargots

  • How long do they take to cook?

  • Connor David H

    You can eat these, but they taste like the forest smells

  • raditzzzz

    that guy might want to wear long sleeves. these snails can host the parasitic nematode rat lungworm that causes meningitis in humans.

  • Deksam

    Call the french... harvest those suckers!

  • Anne Stinson

    Want one.

  • Stephen Casto

    Do they have teeth or beaks? Ya thinking what I'm thinking?? huh, are ya???? WooHoo!!

  • Stephen Casto

    Easy cookin', allll right..

  • Andrew Godsey

    Did we really need the quarter for scale? Oh wait, is that a dwarf hand?

  • Closet Nerd

    If the snails make it onto ships, do they become "snailors?"
    ....just sayin

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