Salt Everything: Giant African Land Snails Invading Miami

April 16, 2013


So apparently the Miami area is fighting an invasion of Giant African Land Snails, an invasive species of gastropod that's capable of EATING THROUGH WALLS. Well, stucco and plaster anyways. Which is what some walls are made of. Unless you're the first little pig, in which case you opted for straw. BAD DECISION.

The snails attack "over 500 known species of plants ... pretty much anything that's in their path and green," Feiber said.

In some Caribbean countries, such as Barbados, which are overrun with the creatures, the snails' shells blow out tires on the highway and turn into hurling projectiles from lawnmower blades, while their slime and excrement coat walls and pavement.

A typical snail can produce about 1,200 eggs a year and the creatures are a particular pest in homes because of their fondness for stucco, devoured for the calcium content they need for their shells.

You got a snail problem? Here's what you do: call in the French. Don't they love those things? Or is that like, stereotyping? Even if it is you agree with me. *waving baguette* Come one, come all -- wear a beret and eat for free!

Thanks to PYY, who names all snails Slimey, which is a great name for snails. Slugs too, but slugs are gross and don't deserve names. Just kidding, slug readers!

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