TELL ME MORE: A Study Of How Dinosaurs Had Sex

March 26, 2013


A recent study conducted on how dangerously spiked dinosaurs had sex has revealed some startling revelations, suggesting that the ancient reptiles were a lot kinkier than the "always-from-the-rear" beasts we thought they were. Well, that PALEONTOLOGISTS thought they were. I always knew they were freaky deaky.

Computerised recreations of how Kentrosaurus couples mated produced by Berlin's Museum of Natural History concluded that the male dinosaurs faced castration if they mounted from behind.

'These prickly dinosaurs must have had sex another way,' said the museum's Heinrich Mallison.

'Perhaps the female lay down on her side and the male reared up to rest his torso over her. Other species would have used different positions, like backing up to each other.'

'A 33ft-long ankylosaurus, with spikes and armour, would have had a 6ft 6in penis to bridge the gap when close to a female,' he said.

'Soft tissues are seldom preserved during fossilisation, so we have never found a fossilised phallus, but doing so would solve many mysteries,' he said.

Whoa -- paleontologists have never found a dinosaur phallus before? I guess that makes sense with the whole 'soft tissue rarely being preserved' thing. But -- BUT -- what if one died with a boner? Then -- no? Penises don't actually turn to bone when they're erect? THEN WHY THE HELL DO WE CALL THEM THAT?! I'm so confused.

Thanks to Fiona, Daniel, boobs (great name), Elizabeth and chichi, who don't care how dinosaurs had sex, they're just glad they did so we had the chance to evolve from them. No? That's not true either? I feel like my whole world has just been turned upside down.

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