Snowballs: Chilled Men's Underwear To Increase Fertility

March 11, 2013

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Heat: it's bad for your nuts. That's why balls actually hang -- to keep them further from the body and a couple degrees cooler for MAXIMUM SPERM PRODUCTION. That's also why you shouldn't drive to work every morning with a hot cup of coffee between your legs. A Slurpee, absolutely. Enter Snowballs: men's underwear with an integrated pocket for a shaped cooling pad to help keep your sperm viable so you can make babies ON PURPOSE (an entirely foreign concept to me), which is the best way to make babies except for with a mermaid.

Snowballs have been designed to make cooling convenient: anytime, anyplace. But give some thought to when your body temperature is the highest - after a workout, under the bed covers, coming out of the shower - and try to establish a routine that keeps you cool at the times you know you're hottest. This will decrease your daily average scrotal temperature as effectively as possible.


Our patent-pending SnowWedges™ have undergone extensive testing with consulting doctors. They are designed with a central hinge that cleverly molds the SnowWedge™ around your body to reach maximum surface area and maximum cooling. Unlike normal icepacks, they won't get you wet, and you won't have to sit there holding ice for hours.

A 3-pack of underwear and cooling-packs will set you back $55, but only if the Kickstarter campaign gets funded, which really depends on how many wanna-be-dads there are out there with flaming-hot nuts. Me? I spend 14-hours a day with a laptop's exhaust blowing on my crotch, so there's no way my sperm are any good. Fun fact: the last time I put a condom on it melted.

Hit the jump for the Kickstarter video. Also, I hope you don't mind, but I put one of the cooling packs I found in your freezer in my drink.

Thanks to Anthony Bear, who is a bear and just takes a dip in the river to cool his acorns.

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