Snowballs: Chilled Men's Underwear To Increase Fertility

March 11, 2013


Heat: it's bad for your nuts. That's why balls actually hang -- to keep them further from the body and a couple degrees cooler for MAXIMUM SPERM PRODUCTION. That's also why you shouldn't drive to work every morning with a hot cup of coffee between your legs. A Slurpee, absolutely. Enter Snowballs: men's underwear with an integrated pocket for a shaped cooling pad to help keep your sperm viable so you can make babies ON PURPOSE (an entirely foreign concept to me), which is the best way to make babies except for with a mermaid.

Snowballs have been designed to make cooling convenient: anytime, anyplace. But give some thought to when your body temperature is the highest - after a workout, under the bed covers, coming out of the shower - and try to establish a routine that keeps you cool at the times you know you're hottest. This will decrease your daily average scrotal temperature as effectively as possible.

Our patent-pending SnowWedges™ have undergone extensive testing with consulting doctors. They are designed with a central hinge that cleverly molds the SnowWedge™ around your body to reach maximum surface area and maximum cooling. Unlike normal icepacks, they won't get you wet, and you won't have to sit there holding ice for hours.

A 3-pack of underwear and cooling-packs will set you back $55, but only if the Kickstarter campaign gets funded, which really depends on how many wanna-be-dads there are out there with flaming-hot nuts. Me? I spend 14-hours a day with a laptop's exhaust blowing on my crotch, so there's no way my sperm are any good. Fun fact: the last time I put a condom on it melted.

Hit the jump for the Kickstarter video. Also, I hope you don't mind, but I put one of the cooling packs I found in your freezer in my drink.

Thanks to Anthony Bear, who is a bear and just takes a dip in the river to cool his acorns.

  • Max Quinn

    My university project inculdes work on all the ways visitors
    may arrive at a website. Please see our mens business clothing page http://www.fancy-pants-fash...

  • FAKE!!!!

    This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

    This is exactly like that scene in the movie NEver Back DOwn where Max tries to convince Baja that she is seeing the effects of shrinkage.

  • Quillsy

    So I wonder how my husband would feel about my following him around with a heater aimed at his crotch?

  • Guest

    or buy him a laptop

  • Guest

    just heat them up the old fashioned way instead and get your own tubes tied

  • Quillsy

    "The old fashioned way" so I should rub some sticks together and start a bonfire under his balls? And my tubes ARE tied :pppp. In the most permanent fashion the doctor offered at that. :p Sadly even tubals aren't 100% and I already take BC pills ontop of that. It just never seems like enough. TOO BAD they won't give elective hysts to childfree women like me.

  • Balls Of Steel

    So I began to ice my balls.

  • Closet Nerd

    I'll ice your balls fore you. With my face.
    ..... just gayin

  • Closet Nerd

    "And nuttin about my physical matrix is basic

    I kick flavor beyond what your tongue is capable of tastin

    You'll be so surprised you won't believe your own eyes

    It's like explainin color to a man that was born blind

    One of a kind, I got divine chromosomes in me

    My sperm'll scramble the eggs in a women's ovaries"

    ......just sayin

  • Ana

    I really really hope that you won't use this thing and ever have babies.

  • Closet Nerd

    Too late... I already "slipped one past the goalie" TWICE!!!!
    ......just sayin

    [Ignore the comment above, its just some troll using my name]

  • Closet Nerd

    "What did you say, you little prick?

    I suck at fighting but ill kick you in the dick.

    And when my foot comes a knockin

    your nuts will need those ice packs; rockin'

    on the floor crying in pain.

    300 confirmed nut kills, I'm fuckin' insane.

    I may never have my own kids, but diddo.

    You messed with the wrong're dead kiddo"

    ..... just sayin

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