ON IT: Bill Gates Offers $100K For Better Condom Design

March 25, 2013


Would not taste that rainbow.

Bill Gates, who may or may not be suffering from boner loss due to current condom design, is offering a $100,000 reward for a next-gen prophylactic that encourages greater condom use so people stop contracting diseases and children.

Additional concepts that might increase [condom usage] uptake include attributes that increase ease-of-use for male and female condoms, for example better packaging or designs that are easier to properly apply. In addition, attributes that address and overcome cultural barriers are also desired.

I've got this in the bag. The dong bag. Are you listening, Bill? Check it: first of all, all condoms should come in wrappers that read XXL, even if they're smalls. Secondly, there should be an integrated LED so you can see where you're aiming plus wave it around in the dark like a flashlight. Thirdly, condoms should only cover the very tip of the penis like a winter hat so -- wait, where you are going? Aren't you at least gonna get my bank account info for the money transfer?

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he made me type spaces between all the letters in his name. Ice cold, bro.

  • Dillon Beard
  • McfeelySmackup

    Instead of working to improve on the condom, he should be putting money towards getting the Catholic Church to stop telling people lies in AIDS ravaged countries about how bad for you condoms are. Regular old condoms are fine, it's the new Pope (same as the old pope) that's killing people.

  • Hayley Prychun Rodgers

    Right, spend all that money on stopping people from believing in their faith and changing practices older than many nations. Great plan.

  • JJ P JJJ

    The future is already here. http://www.willywardrobe.co...

  • Dr. Psychodelic

    yet another 1% multi bazillionaire who wants less people on the planet. he made all the money so he obviously has life's problems all figured out.....

  • Brittany Rappaport

    "The comfort of the rich depends upon an abundant supply of the poor," - Voltaire.

    If we take your argument that Bill Gates is trying to rid the world of poor people, that means he's deliberately trying to reduce his own comfort, too. Huh.

  • Hayley Prychun Rodgers

    What the hell areyou talking about? Bill Gates works to cure disease and suffering all over the world, I think reducing STDs would be high up on his list. And less children born in nations where they starve to death by the hundreds every day because they were unplanned and underfed might just be something he would worry about.

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