ON IT: Bill Gates Offers $100K For Better Condom Design

March 25, 2013

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Would not taste that rainbow.

Bill Gates, who may or may not be suffering from boner loss due to current condom design, is offering a $100,000 reward for a next-gen prophylactic that encourages greater condom use so people stop contracting diseases and children.

Additional concepts that might increase [condom usage] uptake include attributes that increase ease-of-use for male and female condoms, for example better packaging or designs that are easier to properly apply. In addition, attributes that address and overcome cultural barriers are also desired.

I've got this in the bag. The dong bag. Are you listening, Bill? Check it: first of all, all condoms should come in wrappers that read XXL, even if they're smalls. Secondly, there should be an integrated LED so you can see where you're aiming plus wave it around in the dark like a flashlight. Thirdly, condoms should only cover the very tip of the penis like a winter hat so -- wait, where you are going? Aren't you at least gonna get my bank account info for the money transfer?

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who's so evil he made me type spaces between all the letters in his name. Ice cold, bro.

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