You Need Help: Florida Couple Addicted To Coffee Enemas

February 11, 2013


Milk up front, coffee in the rear.

This is Trina. Trina and her husband are both addicted to buttchugging coffee. Hey Trina -- how do you like your coffee? "Up the butt." Cool, I'm probably gonna skip lunch today. Please read this entire quote:

"I started the whole debacle," Trina, who did not want to reveal her last name, told "Then it took on a life of its own. I twice tried to stop and felt worse, so I do this every day and as much as I can. But it's very time-consuming."

"I love the way it makes me feel," said Trina. "It gives me a sense of euphoria."

The couple admits they perform their caffeinated enema at least four times a day. Once, Trina said she did "nine or 10" in a 24-hour period.

Her husband Mike, 45, said he initially thought, "Oh my god, how disgusting," but then he tried it, "and now I am addicted."

...for the past two years they have been "unable to function" without their coffee enema, a ritual that takes five hours of planning and executing each day.

While she administers her enema, Trina listens to music, catches up on TV shows and tweets. "I even play Sudoku," she said.

But these enemas can be tricky: "I make a quick transition from the floor to the toilet seat," said Mike. "It comes flying out like a torrent."

AHahahahhahahahha, IT COMES OUT LIKE A TORRENT. Presumably one with a ton of seeders that's downloading at like 10MB/sec. Oh my God I'm laughing so hard. Mostly so I don't cry. Okay now I'm crying. Aaaaaand now I'm buttchugging a Capri-Sun to make myself feel better. "Wait -- WHAT?!" Relax, I was joking (it's a juice box).

Hit the jump for a segment from the show.

Thanks to Michael and Closet Nerd, who both tried to convince me smoothie enemas are the way to go.

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