You Did It Wrong: Stress Ball Factory Worker Gets Fired, Punches Boss, Threatens To Get All Stabby

February 22, 2013

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44-year Darren Baldwin got fired from his temporary job at a UK stress ball factory, so what did he do? What anybody in a warehouse full of stress relievers would -- punched his boss, then produced two knives and began threatening to stab him in front of the other workers. I sense some hostility.

According to prosecutor Tracy Yates, Baldwin "showed the knives to his colleague and started to shout threats like, 'I will cut you up'."


At his court appearance, Baldwin admitted to assault and was bailed on the condition he does not enter the Sycamore trading estate where the company operates.

I like how he showed the knives to a coworker first. Hey man -- sweet knives, right? I'M GONNA STAB OUR BOSS WITH 'EM. Did you hear that, Mr. McGillicutty?! I FEEL LIKE I'M A LITTLE CHUCKY DOLL RIGHT NOW. I'm sorry, but nobody should be threatening to stab somebody in a stress ball factory. That's like a worker going hungry at the Little Debbie plant.

Thanks to Mnemosyne, who knows a therapist who always starts bawling at her patient's stories and winds up asking for hugs.

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