No: Lab-Created 'Zombie' Cells Outperform Living Ones

February 15, 2013


In news that just makes me want to throw my hands up and tell the lord to take me now, scientists have created "zombie" cells in the laboratory that can outperform living ones. I don't even know what that means but I just taped a knife to a mop handle to fend off whatever hellspawn comes out of this.

A team at Sandia National Laboratories and the University of New Mexico have innovated a technique whereby mammalian cells are coated with silica to form a near-perfect replicas.

The silica replicants can survive greater pressures and temperatures than flesh, and perform many functions better than the original cells did when alive.

By painting the cells with silicic acid in a petri dish, the acid embalms the organic matter in the cell down to the nanometer level.

Heating the silica to around 400C evaporates the protein in the cell, but leaves the silica as a three-dimensional replica of the "formerly living being", Hess said.

"Our zombie cells bridge chemistry and biology to create forms that not only near-perfectly resemble their past selves, but can do future work," he said, terrifyingly.

Listen, I'll be the first to admit I'm not very smart and don't understand a lot of what I read, but I do know this: I saw in the paper this morning there's going to be an estate sale just a couple blocks from my house this weekend and I think you and I should go. "I'll be too hungover." But think of the antiques! "Jesus, you sound like my grandma." How would you know, when was the last time you called her? "Well...." She talks shit on you at bingo!

Thanks to my peenor (but not my actually peenor, that's just the name the tipster used to make me look like some sort of crazy person who talks to his dong about zombies).

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