No: Lab-Created 'Zombie' Cells Outperform Living Ones

February 15, 2013


In news that just makes me want to throw my hands up and tell the lord to take me now, scientists have created "zombie" cells in the laboratory that can outperform living ones. I don't even know what that means but I just taped a knife to a mop handle to fend off whatever hellspawn comes out of this.

A team at Sandia National Laboratories and the University of New Mexico have innovated a technique whereby mammalian cells are coated with silica to form a near-perfect replicas.

The silica replicants can survive greater pressures and temperatures than flesh, and perform many functions better than the original cells did when alive.

By painting the cells with silicic acid in a petri dish, the acid embalms the organic matter in the cell down to the nanometer level.

Heating the silica to around 400C evaporates the protein in the cell, but leaves the silica as a three-dimensional replica of the "formerly living being", Hess said.

"Our zombie cells bridge chemistry and biology to create forms that not only near-perfectly resemble their past selves, but can do future work," he said, terrifyingly.

Listen, I'll be the first to admit I'm not very smart and don't understand a lot of what I read, but I do know this: I saw in the paper this morning there's going to be an estate sale just a couple blocks from my house this weekend and I think you and I should go. "I'll be too hungover." But think of the antiques! "Jesus, you sound like my grandma." How would you know, when was the last time you called her? "Well...." She talks shit on you at bingo!

Thanks to my peenor (but not my actually peenor, that's just the name the tipster used to make me look like some sort of crazy person who talks to his dong about zombies).

  • Cocky

    DirecTV genie-looking zombie girls that know how to make grilled cheese sammies for every geek? I could care less if she's made out of fused quartz!

  • zin

    This is less of a zombie cell & more akin to a cyborg cell. Me likey.

  • Guest

    "This message was brought to you by the Umbrella Corporation.."

  • Matty Spinny

    so what it is is a cell action figure.

  • Davidsadi

    *chuckle* best tipster name ever

  • porkchop2112

    so now they have the method, all that's needed is the means... maybe little nano sprayer bots released into your system to convert your cells one by one. no aging, no eating, no disease, no death... the cells don't have to reproduce if they don't experience cell-death. $50 million bucks for a shot, and in 6 months, you're made of silicon and are a living robot. would neurons be more efficient if made of silicon? would you ever forget anything ever again? bill gate's grandkids will live forever...

  • Idlethoughts

    Nah, silicon bonds too hard to oxygen for most biochemistry to still work. You'd need to actually make a replicant neuron from the bottom up while still getting the probability distribution right or the neural-net wouldn't work properly, needless to say we're a long ways off from it.
    Your best bet is for medical technology to just indefinitely prolong your life span as it gets progressively better.

  • 9Spoon9

    The scientific community keeps messing with things better left alone. When if the mega-monster bacteria or virus going to escape the confines of a previously secure lab and spread like the European Plague of old? Zombie cells my a$$!

  • I'm sure a glass replica of me would be able to withstand conditions that I could not. It could also do 100% less stuff. Science harder, Sandia.

  • NO! NO! NO! You're all looking at this wrong

  • Closet Nerd

    The biggest threat to mankind, is mankind..... Jersey Shore & Honey Boo

    ..... just sayin

  • Never wanted to punch a 6 year old in the face so bad.

  • Evangelos

    glad I wasn't the only one... that hambeast family would be awesome if they were used to recreate the whole "lions vs. People in the areana" scenario.

  • nanineklemperer46mz

    my roomate's half-sister makes $79/hr on the computer. She has been
    without work for ten months but last month her payment was $20081 just
    working on the computer for a few hours. Read more here View More

  • Closet Nerd

    suck on a shotgun with a toe trigger
    .... just sayin

  • Adamant

    Atom bombs, mega lasers, now zombie cells. Oh is there nothing watermelon labs can't do to terrify the crap out of humanity.

    Oh the other hand one more in the science column for NM. *looks at AZ and TX" Yeah not much competition in the science-y category out here.

  • CrazyUncleNicola

    This and robots are not okay things that can just as likely destroy mankind as can help it.yet Dinosaurs are okay. How will dinosaurs help mankind. They will eat us all. The only way they will help mankind is if you add cybernetic brain implants and other robot enhancements so we can control them, but that would require uh robotics that could turn on us and kill us. Last thing we need are a bunch of cyber T-rex's rampaging through our cities.

  • Evangelos

    hey, dinosaurs might be tasty. You don't know! Plus dinosaurs won't do too well in countries that allow high caliber ammunition usage by civilians...

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