Mississippi Drafts Bill To Ban Human-Animal Hybrids

February 7, 2013


Because Mississippi lawmakers are concerned that their residents may try to produce animal-human hybrids (and rightfully so -- probably the natural way too), Republican William Tracy Arnold of Booneville (who undoubtedly has a horse-child he doesn't want to talk about) has drafted a bill banning animal-human hybrids and hitting those who disregard the law with a fine. Please, like your piddly fine is going to stop me from creating a race of dino-people. I DO WHAT I WANT.

What's a human-animal hybrid, you ask? HB 819, The Protection of the Human Person Act, defines it as any of these things:

Embryos that contain human and nonhuman cells, nuclei or chromosomes.
Embryos that were created by fertilizing a human egg with animal sperm, or vice versa.
A nonhuman life form "engineered" with a human brain.

Unfortunately, after reading through the piece of legislature myself (which you can download HERE), it's really just an anti-abortion bill with a few unusual caveats thrown in. I guess Mississippi isn't as serious about animal-human hybrids as I thought. *stands up, repositions eggs in nest, sits back down* Soon, my pretties, soon we march...on the capital!

Thanks to John, who's been developing a race of mole-people to survive the inevitable nuclear apocalypse.

  • Now this was introduced BEFORE they ratified the 13th Amendment, right?

  • William Samuel

    A bill involving gene splicing seems oddly forward thinking for Mississippi. Gotham didn't get one until the 2030's.

  • StLouisChompFest

    in retaliation, South Carolina closed its Mississippi embassy

  • Another waste of legislation that is entirely unconstitutional.

  • RareAwesomeman

    they must have fixed everything else to be focusing on this

  • Matty Spinny

    fuck u mississippi

  • That's a good pic of sarah jessica parker, looks almost human

  • jamie

    You misspelled the word 'one'. Just saying. Grammatical errors corrected by a Mississippi native.

  • Zero2Black

    So, no nekomimi in Mississippi then?

  • $18922249

    Funny part about speciation... human gametes are 100% incompatible with non-human gametes. Just in case they didn't already appear to be total asses.

    Edit: In spite of the down vote, I am not wrong.

  • Idlethoughts

    I think that the more pressing issue should be to outlaw defying the laws of gravity, which are not yet, to my knowledge, legally binding in Mississippi.

  • Nölff

    I think Mississippi has better priorities. They need to abolish slavery first.

  • jordan

    We got that done in 1995.

  • Adamant

    Another, protect 'em from the evil world until they're born and then tell the lazy little bed wetters to get a job, bill. Can we let them secede yet? They'll be back within a week when the realize THEY are a welfare state.

  • :'O no! Our dreams of real life furries!!

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    Dr. Moreau will not be happy to hear this

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