I'm Lucky To Even To Even Get A Cake: A Flame-Shooting, Music Playing, Unfurling Flower Birthday Cake Candle

February 4, 2013

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This is the Happy Birthday Candle. When the flower bulb is lit, it shoots sparkler flames and plays Happy Birthday before unfurling into a blossom of birthday candles. You can get a three pack for $20. Alternatively, you can get a 20-pack of those candles that you can't blow out for like $4. Those are also a great way to ensure the birthday boy or girl covers the cake in saliva from blowing so hard. Save me a piece with a spit puddle. Two years ago my friends only put one one candle in the cake but SPOILER: it turned out to be a buried firework. I called the police and tried to file a report for a Wile E. Coyote style assassination attempt, but they were all, 'I thought we told you to stop calling here' and 'One more time and we're going to arrest you.' DAMMIT, I PAY MY TAXES. "Sales tax doesn't count." THEN GIVE ME MY 6% BACK.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of the flower candle doing its thing.

Thanks to Lamay, who agrees the best cakes are the ones that have scantily clad dancers burst out of them singing Metallica's greatest hits. Wait -- what?

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