Coke Kills: Woman Dies From Too Much Coca-Cola

February 14, 2013


Hell yeah, Mexican Coke! I'm gonna get one of you with lunch.

31-year old New Zealander Natasha Harris died in 2010, and this week the coroner released his report, citing Natasha's two gallon/day Coca-Cola habit as a contributing factor to her death. Wait -- TWO GALLONS A DAY? If I drank that much soda I wouldn't even need a car, I'd just f***ing fly everywhere.

[Coroner David] Crerar calculated that Harris' intake of Coca-Cola meant that she ingested the equivalent of two pounds of sugar and 970 milligrams of caffeine per day, according to Television New Zealand. Her family claims Harris suffered from withdrawal symptoms when she didn't have access to her beverage of choice.

Harris' consumption of sugar and caffeine had serious effects on her health. In his finding, Crerar said that Harris had developed cardiac arrhythmia because of her cola habit.

That's sad. It just goes to show you -- addiction kills. It doesn't have to be hard stuff like crack or heroin or coffee enemas. You can just be on a seemingly harmless 2-gallons/day cola habit and next thing you know, you're dead. "GW? There's nothing seemingly harmless about two gallons of soda a day." No? Well what if I told you I know a guy who eats a whole Costco size container of Pixy Stix everyday? "I'd suggest he go to the doctor." And what if this stranger doesn't have health insurance? "We're talking about you, aren't we?" Me? Noooooo, it's my friend, uh, JW. "Friend, LOL." You saw through that, huh? But seriously I can hear my heartbeat and I have my headphones all the way up.

Thanks to Jason, who used to be addicted to Sunny D until his mom stopped buying it. That's when his friends stopped coming over too.

  • Keith Gibbons

    Do I have to be the one here that says she deserved it? Okay then. She deserved it.
    That's like eating McDonald's and blaming them for making you fat. YOU STOP FUCKING EATING IT. Imagine her teeth. Ewwwwwwwwwww......

  • Kevin

    Coke is evil. When my wife was younger, she used to drink a 2 liter bottle a day. She gave that up when she passed her first kidney stone. She thought she was dying. The doctor said it was the Coke that did it. Cola syrup isn't too friendly to your kidneys.

  • I only ever drink cola in rum.

  • jimmy

    Did you know that there is so much sugar in coke that your body natural wants to throw it up? The reason why you don't is because they actually add a drug to the coke that prevents you from vomiting.

  • Sugar, caffeine, chemical agents, acid, cancer-hazardous colorant, and going on.

    Coke is bad for your health. Period. It kills you on a large timeframe.

    Source (French, though):

  • Blinghamstar

    No mention of the fact she'd had 8 kids by age 31, smoked 30+ cigarettes a day and ate very little? She could've died without the Coke too.

  • Bubbubsky

    This is Darwinism at work. Only a complete moron would drink that much soda that frequently.

  • just1nw

    I hate to agree with Coke here but I think it was disingenuous of the coroner to basically say "Coca Cola killed this bitch!!" in the official report. The same result would have happened had she ingested that much sugar and caffeine via a different method, it's not something specific to Coke. And of course news outlets like HuffPo jump on headlines like this...

  • JJtoob

    I don't read that and believe Coca-Cola is either responsible, nor should they change any of their current business, if anything, it just looks lazy from the coroner if he really wrote "Coke" on the report, instead of something like "sugar and caffeine overdose from soft drinks". Having said that, the suggestion to put warning labels on the drinks is just ridiculous. If we do that, we'll have to label things like water, which if consumed in excess, can also kill you.

  • Idlethoughts

    Perhaps we should put warning signs next pools and bodies of water that say, "WARNING: YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF BREATHING WATER." while we're at it.

  • Who drinks that much soda?! Holy hell!

  • you can fucking die from drinking too much watter. damn you god we are so fragile.

  • Idlethoughts

    I think your issue is with us, and everything else for that matter, having finite limits as oppose fragility. I mean if you put enough of anything into anything it will eventually break somehow, and you can't really hold god accountable for not enabling you to consume a quarter of your volume in water, you might as well just take issue with being mortal.

  • Just sayin

    The above statement about everything breaking is false. Adamantium

  • Idlethoughts

    I have shattered your delusion of escaping the clutches of entropy by pointing out to you that Adamantium is, in fact, not real and impossible due to having an infinite rigidity and thus a local speed of sound faster than it's local speed of light, therefore violating several laws of physics.
    As you can see, by adding enough logic onto your fictional concept I broke it.

  • Oh sure, rip on the coffee enemas. Y'know some of your readers might like a little Starbutts in the morning.

  • Crerar said that Harris had developed cardiac arrhythmia because of her cola habit. ... http://www.Paymentdaily73do...

  • Closet Nerd

    I guess she should drank Pepsi, or Slurm
    ..... just sayin

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