SIGN ME UP: Company Seeks Future Mars Colonists

January 9, 2013


Note: Trip is ONE-WAY ONLY.

Remember when the Dutch nonprofit Mars One announced they wanted to put colonists on Mars by 2023? Well apparently they're following through with the plan and just released their astronaut requirements yesterday, with televised colonist selection beginning later this year. Hopefully in the style of a battle to the death.

Mars One isn't zeroing in on scientists or former fighter pilots; anyone who is at least 18 years old can apply to become a Mars colony pioneer. The most important criteria, officials say, are intelligence, good mental and physical health and dedication to the project, as astronauts will undergo eight years of training before launch.

Ahahahahahhahahha, I'm batting zero for three on those requirements. Why couldn't they have been extensive fat reserves, claustrophobia, and an unwillingness to get along with others? If that was the case I'd be the best space-adventurer there ever was. TO INFINITY AND oooooh -- is that freeze-dried ice cream?

Thanks to Dorian, who told me he was going to apply. Godspeed you magnificent bastard.

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