Death By Happiness (Is How I Want To Go Too): Woman Smothers Boyfriend To Death With Her Knockers

January 18, 2013


The last thing he ever saw coming.

In "that's how I want to go too" news, a 51-year old Washington woman (fine, but I want killer to be younger) has been arrested after allegedly drunkenly smothering her boyfriend to death with her big ol' knockers in the back of their mobile home. Just let all that sink in for a minute.

Kiro 7 reports that witnesses claims they saw Lange throw her boyfriend down in the back of the mobile home. She was later found by witnesses with her chest covering the victim's face. Police noted the size difference between Lange and her boyfriend -- she was 5-feet, 6-inches and 192 pounds, he was 5-feet, 7-inches and 175 pounds.

Other women around the world are known to have allegedly used their breasts as weapons.

In November, German lawyer Tim Schmidt claimed his girlfriend tried to smother him with her 38DD breasts. Schmidt said she pretended it was a sex game, the Daily Mail reported. "I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: 'Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible,'" he said.

Hey, if they really were drunk (and I suspect they were f***ing trashed), maybe they just both passed out during sex in an unfortunate position. That happens. Because one time I walked in on my roommate and he was asleep at his computer chair with his penis in his hand. Porn still blaring. So it can happen.

Thanks to Scissorcake, who made his wife promise when he's old and bedridden she finish him off in a similar manner.

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